hahaha!  si Piolo Pascual nasa northwest airlines lounge ng NAIA terminal 1. paano ko nalaman?  kasi nasa lounge din ako ngayon.  ako ay papuntang Singapore.  anong airlines? singapore airlines.  bakit ako nas lounge ng Northwest kahit ibang airlines at ibang group ang aking flight ngayon? kasi may gold elite card ako sa northwest worldperks. basta bumabiyahe ako, pag may lounge ng world clubs (nwa and partner airlines) pede ako tumambay dito. galing no.  at dahil sa pribelehiyo kong ito.  kaya ko nakita si piolo sa lounge.  haha. wla lang. di ko siya idol o hinahangaan. jologs lang ako kaya binlog ko ito. again...hahahahahaha! pisawt!

it seems like i always have time to blog when i am at airports.   Now i am in HKIA (Hong Kong International Airport).  Going where? HOME!!! yup in about three hours I will back in the Philippines!!! Woohooo!

BUT! My family doesn't know...(bwahahahaahahaha ...evil laugh) I just called ate and told her I was in HK.  She told me to go to the to Manila and i told her that I was actually in HK on my way to Manila. What followed was a loud shrieking sound that I think was my sister screaming. hahaha! I told her not to tell Nanay.  I hope it will be a pleasant surprise.

Let's see what happens.

April 09, 2007 

I am not ok.
When people ask me how I am, my answer usually is ‘I am OK’.
This question has been asked of me too many times that it doesn’t register to me as a question which needs thinking anymore.
The automatic answer is ‘I’m OK’.
I am OK.
At least in the superficial health + wealth + relationship to fellow human beings kind of way, I am ok.
I am not hungry, not ill, not exhausted, not bankrupt, not lonely …not insane.
I am, by far, OK compared to a whole of the people that trod this planet today.
But no, to those who still ask, I am not OK.
Inside my being there is chaos.
I am who I project I am but that is not my whole self.
Part of me is in disarray, turmoil, bedlam.
I know who I want to be and who I should be but that is not the case.  
I try to take the reins of my being but I only lead it to harm.
I disappoint myself; I do not meet my expectations.
Inside, I am not who I truly and wholly am.
Thus, I don’t like how I think, how I act, how I feel and how I respond.
And I am in anguish.
I am OK but I…am not OK.

Europe!  At last,  My business travels have brought me to Europe.

I Just don't know if it is good or bad!   I am now in Austria.  Vienna Airport.   I am at the Austrian Airlines lounge which will be closing in 3 hours.  I am just transiting in Vienna.  My destination being Ukraine (Dnepropetrovsk and eventually Nikopol and Ordzhonikidze). 

I took Austrian Airlines,  business class of course.  It was very, very nice.  The food,  service and aircraft was good.   It is just that the chairs are not the same as other long haul business class seats I've sat on.  It doesn't do the full horizontal bed.  But...it was still comfy.

It is taking me longer than usual to write this blog since I just learned that the keyboard in Austria does not have the same configuration as that in Asia/America.  The z and y keys are switched and there are additional keys like  ö, ä, ü.  Just a while ago I was looking for the / key.  Typing here is a tet of agility and patience.   Ü

 Tomorrow I will be going to ukraine.  unfortunately,  I will be spending my night at this airport.   Need to check though If I can go to the hotel accross the street to sleep.  but I don't think I can because I wasn't able to get an Austrian or a Schengen Visa.

 Haay.   I am also surprised to see a lot of Pinoys in the airport staff here.  as in not just one or two but  several. I just haven't tried talking to them but know they are kababayans because of the small flag/pins they are wearing.  

This trip will be a one of a kind journey for me.   Adventure! soooper!

Tell you more later!!!

Wishing you wings to fly high...

-mabigat ako baka di makalipad.  Ba't si Nathan Petrelli (Heroes) walang wings nakakalipad?

a vision to dream freely...

-maski 125/100 na ang vision ko at hindi 20/20? naku di kaya blurry ang dream?

a heart to love deeply...

-haaay... at least. sana nga!

a body so healthy...

- wish ko rin to sa aking sarili. kaso sa ngayon overweight ata ako.

and a spirit to embrace all the beauty in life!

-(...shpirits....)

It passed by as if it was an almost regular day..

cept that there were tiramisus, truffles and a lowfat cookbook.

I didn't want it to be a big deal

No wish lists or outrageous plans

I didn't want to have the party of the year

Just a time to share with close friends

It was perfect.

A call from home to wake me up

A taxi ride to the city late in the morning

A fast food meal and a couple of hours in work

Short message greetings from across the sea

A early evening ride home

A quiet dinner with friends

And a spur of the moment photoshoot

It was simple

It was nice

It was great

It was my day.

 

January 4, 1955…was the day that my father was born. Yesterday, well actually a few hours ago, was supposed to be his 52nd birthday. Of course, 20 of those birthdays he wasn’t able to celebrate anymore.

 

How do you celebrate the birthday of a departed loved one? Do you hold a party or mourn? Or do you just let it pass?

 

I still don’t know…

 

I still miss him. Even tough I only got to know him for 4 years, the first four years of my life. I got to know him more from the stories of loved ones and friends. I know he was a good man, a good husband, a good friend and a good father.

 

I wonder, all time, what if he was still alive? What would our lives be like?

 

I wouldn’t know…

 

There was one time I told my mother, I am scared to be a father because I don’t know how to be one. I don’t remember how to have one. She told me I had some father figures growing up. I learned a lot from them. From some, I learned what to do.  From others, I learned what not to do. And, in a way, in different ways, they are my fathers but still they were not exactly my “Tatay”. When the time comes for me to be a father… I hope to be there as my children grow up.

 

I really hope so…

 

Every day of my life…I bring with me a part of my father’s legacy. I am given his name as my second name…Samuel.  Asked of  God. It’s very hard to be given a name like that. I hope I give it justice.

 

To be clear, I am not complaining. But as my father’s birthday comes each year…these are the things that I think about.  These are the question I still ask. I have a lot of whys and what ifs, most of which I cannot and will not get answers.

 
Sigh…