The Land of Crimson Dreams

crazytesuka

There really is something about hot singers with black eye liners. *droool*

Presenting Brandon Flowers. Funny name but one of my favorite eye-liner-lover hotties... among others that I PERSONALLY KNOW *cough cough* (hehehe...). I felt quite a bit nostalgic when I saw him and his band, The Killers in channel V. Favorite song of theirs is Mr. Brightside.  I really love jealousy-filled songs. hahahaha!

*sigh* I miss The Killers. Wala lang.

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Ugh, It's a saturday and I refused to see him. Instead of meeting up with him, I stayed at home and read manga the whole day. HEHEHEHE. I feel a bit guilty but oh well. Just wanted to ease this smothered feeling off my chest.

I just realized earlier - it's our anniversary next month. HOLY SCHMOLY.

I can't believe we lasted this long. Geesh, I wasn't even that serious about him in the first place. And to tell the truth, I'm still kind of iffy about this whole relationship thing. Breaking up definitely came to mind more than a couple of times but there's just this thing that prevents me from making the cut.  I don't know... I guess I just wanted to see what happens. And then before I knew it, it's almost a year. Damn.

Tal and I started talking a bit. I was stressing out about how demanding he is (as opposed to the quite hilarious perception at the tambayan that he wasn't making time for me, che, mga tsismoso) along with this whole thesis crap and a racket. She told me that she turned down this guy because she wanted to concentrate on her thesis; this led me to think about my situation, of breaking up because of my priorities - an idea that has been running around in my mind since summer. The evil girl self was reasoning out that he's just a burden, that he can't even help me out in any way, and that he'll might really bring me down because of his demands. On the other hand, I guess he's a good distraction when I wanted/needed one, and he's always there as moral support. Hah. What a poor argument, the latter is (ugh, whay am I doing yoda talk?!). Practical person that I am, I agreed with evil girl self and decided to break the ties. Unfortunately, it's easier said than done. And everytime I started to place myself into the break-up mode, when we start to talk I always falter. Why is that??

Hm. Mixed feelings sucks big time.

Heh. I think I REALLY REALLY NEED Sarah's now. A glass of wine at home isn't enough. I think I haven't been there in about a month or something. Withdrawaaaaaal.

puchang lablyp. rakenrol!

crazytesuka

Ostracized - I felt something akin to this a few days ago. A high school feeling that I never wanted to feel again. Unfortunately, in this world, high school is just the beginning.

I never knew it would affect me this much. I shouldn't have cared; but the feeling of being unwanted - of being such a useless and an unnecessary entity in their world - was very persistent.  I suddenly found myself being surrounded by them only to be ignored. Even the small courtesy of sharing some information just for my general knowledge of things going on around me was overlooked. Was it because I wasn’t qualified? That I was lacking in many ways? Was it a personal grudge by one of them? Astonished, I focused my interest on something else, stopping the ugly growing thing inside of me at that moment. And now, it all comes out.

I remember this all too well – the hurt, the want and desperate NEED to belong. I’ve tried a couple of tactics to cope with this socially rooted problem, but somehow I always end up distancing myself and doing things on my own. It’s a difficult situation that is also very difficult to share. I was always afraid of finding out the reason/s and having to face them. I never asked. My pride gets in the way. So based on observations, I hypothesize, decide that I don’t need them after all, and move on with my life.

So what if I get a stab of pain once in a while? It’s better than lowering my infamous pride.

The problem is, I do care. I thought I mattered to them, at least to the level of civility. Now I see that I got it all wrong. Fine, what the hell. Do what you want, leave me out of it. Since you don’t want me in, I will stay out because unlike you, I respect your decisions and shall be civil about it. You will never know that it affected me in any way because I shall give you a big smile, joke around a bit, and will go on with my own work.

Now that I’ve put it into words, I can now breathe and move on.

Another matter on the other hand… shall be for another day. It’s much too fresh for written contemplation. I’m too annoyed and agitated to think clearly about that.

crazytesuka

As my buddy would say, "I LUUUUVVVVHHHEEEEETTTT!!!" (translation: I love it!)

Hehehe.

Undoubtedly their best album ever, Viva la Vida is composed of songs with diverse sounds. It's very international in a way that almost every song represent a different country in terms of the the arrangement (in my opinion. hehehe). I love the artistic touches like the continuity (end of last song to the first song) and all the in-betweens. The use of various sounds and influences makes the album a stimulating, absolutely must-hear-must-have item. In other words...

NAKAKAKILIG.

Grabeh. My favorites are Life in Technicolor, Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love, and Viva La Vida. :3

Talk about feel good music. *mumumumu*

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Another thing that I'm absolutely going crazy over is the manga Tokyo Crazy Paradise. It's basically a story about 14-year-old girl Tsukasa who acts and dresses as a boy (due to her parents' upbringing) so that she could protect herself against harassment in the tough world of future Tokyo. Because of certain circumstances and her fighting skills, she becomes the bodyguard of her classmate Ryuji, the son of a major Yakuza leader. The plot revolves around her "hidden" identity as a girl, the conflict of her being a righteous policeman's daughter and her attraction and friendship to Ryuji.

It's very addictive. It has all my favorite elements after all: ridiculous humor, a deep and interesting plot, a lot of yakuza action, and of course the Shoujo factor of young love. One of the best manga I've ever read! The art is NOT BAD either... not bad at all! It may look dubious at first, but the art greatly improved after a few chapters.
So again...

"I LUUUUVVVVHHHEEEEETTTT!!!"

^_^

p.s. no wonder I'm lagging behind my thesis work. *sigh* right, right.

crazytesuka

One weird girl who loves eating (but doesn't grow fat) and one tall, mysterious, anti-social guy. Both odd people... yet in the end, they understood each other. In the end, their minds clicked and that was what made them stay together. (Beauty is the Beast)

Mental/ intellectual compatibility - without this, shallow relationships based on physical and emotional attraction won't last. A lot of people say that as long as two people's brains are in the same wavelength, they'll do fine. I truly believe in this.

The thing is I think I've experienced the extremes in this, but I haven't actually found the right mind.

I think I'm intellectually lonely.

I hate stupid people. I understand leni when she said this before. It's really frustrating to talk to people who are slow. At the same time, it's also frustrating to converse with people who are too intense in a way that they think too much. I prefer the latter though, over the former... at least my brain is challenged. The sad thing is, I've met more stupid people that smarter ones, even in UP.

By the way, "smart" doesn't necessarily mean academically. I mean it generally. I admire natural curiosity and creative imagination. Deep insights on things that are seemingly simple are turn ons (both mental and emotional). I relish a good conversation that may mean everything and nothing. And the best thing about mental compatibility is the comfortable silence - no words, no effort. Just that unspoken understanding between two people (or more).

Also, intellectual stimulation doesn't have to be between two people of the opposite sex (come to think of it, so does a relationship, but what the heck). I can have a good conversation with either a girl or a boy but the level of satisfaction is the same - can I call that a brain fizz? Haha. It's sexless and epitomizes the true meaning of the word EQUALITY. Pretty neat.

The problem is, I think it's much more difficult to find an intellectually attractive person. One has to get to know the other to gauge brain fizz compatibility. Sometimes, it's even faked. In the end, it gets tiring... so the effect is a lowered standard to be able to settle with someone with a lower wavelength. *sigh*

Damn. I take the word "complicated" to a different level, don't you think?

Haha.

crazytesuka

SWEETNESS by Jimmy Eat World

if you're listening, whoaaaooaaooo!!
Sing it back, whoaaaooaaooo!!
String from your tether unwinds, whoa, whoaaaooaaooo!!!
Up and outward (but only) to bind, whoa, whoaaaooaaooo!!!
I was spinning free, whoaaaooaaooo!!
with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
Are you listening? whoaaaooaaooo!!
Sing it back, whoaaaooaaooo!!
So tell me what do I need, whoa, whoaaaooaaooo!!!
when the words lose their meaning, whoa, whoaaaooaaooo!!!
I was spinning free, whoaaaooaaooo!!
with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
Yeah, stumble until you crawl, whoaaaooaaooo!!
Sinking into sweet uncertainty

*ooooohhhhoooohhhhhh....*

If you're listening, whoaaaooaaooo!!
Are you listening?
Sing it back, whoaaaooaaooo!!
I'm still running away, whoaaaooaaooo!!
I won't play your hide and seek game, whoaaaooaaooo!!
I was spinning free, whoaaaooaaooo!!
with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
What a dizzy dance, whoaaaooaaooo!!
This sweetness will not be concerned with me.
No the sweetness will not be concerned with me!

AM ABSOLUTELY GAGA OVER THIS! Singing and jumping and dancing to this song by myself in my room is the best thing to do EVER!!! (Especially when one needs to lose some excess frustration) Took me a while to figure out who the artist is... as well as the title of the song. I'm so happy I found it at last... *mumumumu...* :3

WHOAAAAAOOOOOOAAAAAOOOO!!!!

other absolutely great songs by JEW:

Middle

Work

Hear You Me

*damn. Have to remind myself to buy their old album, Bleed America. Along with Taken By Cars. ARGH. I miss buying authentic albums. :3