Silent Night
Posted at 04:15 PM in Love
Your silence was all I needed to hear to know the verdict.
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November 16, 2008
The PastPosted at 02:07 AM in Love I’m damaged. I can never erase my past, and you can never forget it either. That leaves me nowhere. Nowhere. The caustic soda of roads that go winding. I wonder what will become of us now that you’re apprehensive and I’m thinking if I’m the right girl for you. Should I stay or should I leave? I love you too much to flood you with myself any longer. I can’t do anything about my past, all I can change is my future. Will you accept that promise? Or will you insist that I’m too damaged to repair? Because that’s what you’re telling me if you leave me- that my past is just too difficult to handle, my scars are too deep to bear, that I’m too damaged to be with…
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November 15, 2008
Pride and PrejudicePosted at 08:21 AM in Love When I imagine what it would be like when we broke up, it's not anymore the pain of it all, but the pride: who will get a guy or girl first? Who will get over whom first? It's sheer pride. It used to be always me. But what about this time. I have the feeling it will be you. And my pride cannot take it. I cannot take it at all. We're going to get a motel room later and talk about our issues. I wonder if, when things should turn out okay, we'll have make-up sex after. Oooh, I hope not, coz then you'll see the cuts on my hip. Maybe I'll just consent to giving you a blowjob. But what if we break up? I plan to cut my arms like crazy when I get home, then they'll have to confine me at the psych ward... And it'll be all your fault... |
November 14, 2008
No More I Love YousPosted at 08:38 AM in Love We got tired of it... you don't say it anymore, and neither do i... i don't know..
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November 14, 2008
BastardPosted at 12:27 AM in Love He's not even texting. Nothing. I get nothing. I am nothing but a peice of crumpled paper thrown to the wastebin. I am worthless. Nothing. I am nothing to him now. |
November 13, 2008
ObsessionsPosted at 01:02 AM in Love I'm tired of obsessing, yet it's what I do best. I'm tired of waiting, yet it's what I do most of the time. I cut again. On my hip. Dr. LB upped my antipsychotic to 30mg today. Because I kept wailing in my room. Mark cooled off with me. He says he needs to think about the relationship. Nasasakal na daw siya sakin. I said I don't know how to be in a relationship with him without me choking him. I swear to God I tried not to choke him, I tried my best. I tried my hardest. I guess my best just wasn't good enough. It's never good enough. So is this the end of the Great Love? And the start of my death? Because I said it so many times before: I will kill myself if I should lose him. And I mean it. I calculated it. 1600mg of aspirin should do the trick. Goodbye World.
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November 6, 2008
Better, I thinkPosted at 01:40 AM in Love I'm feeling better. Maybe I can get over you when the time comes. But there will be a suicide attempt first. There has to be. Overdose of aspirin, here I come. But for now, we're living on borrowed time. If it is borrowed time. You will have to decide that. Oh, do you know how much hangs by a thread? Beloved? Love? |