My country plainly needs help :: 06:57 PM :: easyjetsetter

Tesco, the supermarket giant that eats up one in every eight retail pound spent in Britain, is piloting musical sandwiches.

Let's just take a moment to think about that. Musical. Sandwiches.

In other news, David Cameron won the Conservative Party leadership. I have restrained myself somewhat on commenting on this whole malarky as 'a close relative' as 'Dave' would say, worked for the campaign. I got to see her trotting up and down the Royal Academy stairs in her red gap cape and red mulberry roxanne bag. Very thrilling.

No matter which candidate won, this has been the most tremendous advert for the Party. They've dominated the (relatively empty) news round for the last few months, taking centre stage in a way they haven't been able to since its Ministers started hanging themselves for kicks and lying in court and whatnot.

Contrast the open, respectful, substantive debates and the thoughtful long-term process with the (it seems) monthly TBGBs*. The Tory part debates and elects its leader: the Labour party will have a handover of power to a unilaterally chosen successor or a bloodless putsch. Either way, it ain't very democratic, what?

*To the uninitiated, this is a journalist-coined term, rhyming with "heebeejeebies" referring to the initials of the PM, Tony Blair and his Chancellor and crown prince Gordon Brown, who supposedly made a deal to hand over the premiership in return for Brown's support. Blair has not, of course, handed over power (yet) and they routinely try to humiliate each other through the "sources close to X" trick. Like my 'close relative' and I about a certain stuffed bunny rabbit that while it was hers first, is, in fact, by rights, mine.

Don't worry, the Herald newspaper only caught up with this parlance today...you're not too behind.

UPDATE: My parents are sad prats. The package on the ten o'clock news about Cameron showed him making coffee in his kitchen, and my Mum exclaimed "look! we have that coffee!" quickly followed by dad's "aaah, you can always trust a chap with a big jar of marmite." Losers.

Update 2: the honorable member for the northern dispora in Brighton and Hove has an extremely witty summary.