k .. i got cold .. n last night was the worst ever .. i almost got faint when we'r d ace hardware store, wasting d time for watching d movie ...

but alhamdulillah .. still alive, just sit down for awhile, got hungry, my hubby got angry coz i chose to be in d ace hardware store as it was my idea, n all d resto r almost closed. Though it's not closed yet, we only got bout 20 mins, n it wasnt quite enough for both of us. U know thinking dat d food would be served in 15 mins, n we ate only for 5 mins ... no chance ..

he didnt wanna any kind of junk food, though i bought one, since i knew he's starving, n i did too. But he didnt eat, n finally ate when i went to d bathroom while d show r on. Lol .. what a funny situation .. though i found it pathetic for my self,, coz i chose him to b happy, n i havent eaten anything. Lol

anyway, dat's not d point.

darn, i think i got to sleep within this two hours .. coz i have to go to my mom's place. i have to buy glasses, some fruits, n some cake .. hmm .. by any chance could i make it .. i can! dont worry ..if my bed time is not more than two hours surely ..

k, back to last anyway, i watchd this movie body of lies, which i recognise only leonardo d caprio. I know d other two guys, who is playing as hani, d intelligent of yordania, n edward hoffman, d CIA thing. But i dont recall their names. Hmm ... i know they'r famous, dat's all ..

d movie is quite confusing. I dunno what they r trying to say .. i dont really notice d climax .. i mean i know dat aisha been kidnapped, n dat he have to trade himself, coz he's bloodily in love to aisha, still it didnt make sense. Cmon, for only two or three times meeting her, n then he fell in love dat much dat he would trade his life .. non sense, impossible. Especially since they have a very different culture.

well i'm not a good movie critique .. i know dat there is something dat have been said this movie. Like they emphasized dat what jihadin ppl do is other form of islam extrimist. And funny, that the american actually know d difference. U know between, d islam dat are actually like peace, n jihad leads, n d other form of jihad, like bombing their self, being a martir, coz they fight for ALLAH.

it's all been visualized by d conspiracy, i would say a very bad conspiracy dat been made by CIA, to make osama kadiri, as a terorist, when he's actually only an ordinary moslem architect. He's chosen, coz he's a moslem, but he knew jihad, spend some money to jihad, but he only an ordinary people dat likes women n stuff. N he's trapped.

K, i cant imagine, how many more "bad" conspiracy dat been done by CIA, or other intelligent of developed countries dat doing d same, dat sacrificing ppl. People who has ordinary life, dat has dream to be fulfilled, with their beloved ones. Omg  .. how scary this life would be surrounded by ppl dat has power for other ppl's life.

This movie though, i find it, a very pointing a different directions to most american ppl. I found it dat Hani, d intelligent of yordania, teach how to love, how to treat ppl. A different way dat most american not would do. When hani treat a spy to b in alqaeda, kamiri (or something i forgot), not by rough way, but gentle way. When hani only make up of aisha's kiddnaped, n he visited leonardo in hospital, after saving by d alqaeda thing. Lol, i found it very funny ...

though it wont make sense .. especially when leonardo said once dat he would not go back to america, instead chose to live in yordania, i kinda amazed. Cmon ... is it real?? I find it sometimes impossible. Though may once one in thousands, there would be ppl like this leonardo, sees like d way he sees, well who knows they r ppl like this leonardo thing. hmm i dunno ...

so, d point is, i almost got asleep in d theatre. I think my hubby is once asleep for a few mins. It's too heavy, d movie. U need to prepare ur self when u watched it. I mean read d reference, n pls not watching it when u got flu like mine. Lol .. it makes me suffering more .. lol ...

finally when d story ends ..phew .. not a relievef .. coz i expect dat that this would be a thriller movie. I dunno why they put d name of  d movie, body of lies. Maybe it's other name of d conspiracy thing ... who knows ..

aarghh i got to sleep now. for one hour, then whooossshhh i would go to my mom's n do some shopping ...

u know u sometimes had a feeling being around people that r untrustworthy .. even though u've tried to trust them .. but u know they wont treat u as good as u are to them. So suppose it end to an over expectated situation that usually bring uncomfortability.

N .. now i feel like i'm around them .. even though i thought they r one of my best friends in life. It just they dont treat me like the way i did or feel to them ..

so .. what will u do?? if u'r in such a situation??

will u leave, run away?? or just enjoy ur self? hmmm

i try to choose d second one .. but still i didnt find it as comfortable as i think .. i didnt enjoy it very much .. but hey .. the feeling is annoying so i geuss i should leave it .. n enjoy it ..

darn .. i think .. i should pull my self together dat hey they'r not worth it when they r untrustworthy ... n u dont have to make them like u anyway, n i dont have to like them either .. then why bother ... those words keep bugging in my head ...

gambatte in! let it go ... just let it go .. phew ...

y suddenly in hell dat i feel jealous in time like this? when he's worried so much??

n darn i've writen alot ... n woosshhh ... it happend dat d page is gone .. n what i wrote is gone too ..

n d secret remained as a secret ...

i would say dat since me n my hubby celebrates in a different place. He with his family, n i'm with my family. n i became a wierdo, since i dont feel really comfortable with all these stuffs going on .. i mean i'm not used to with my family ... n whoops .. here's come all my family, with all those attitudes, cry, while my head r spinning n spinning around, stucked with my migrain all over d day. Noone would understand this, coz they found me as an arrogant one, dont wanna share happy moments, just because i didnt spend much time with them ...

oh .. how unlucky me ...

like always, i feel stucked when i cant do anything as i choose though i'm married.  My mom wants me to do this and that, while i wanna do something else ... n i'm stressed enough just to be stucked in this kind of situation. i dont like it! i hate it really!

n i dont wanna feel this way, since it hurts my parents' feeling ... i knew it .. i mean it became a disaster since i behave like this ... while i feel i have my own life, n lots of place to visit .. while i cant get attached with all of my family, coz the place i live is very far away, n they became dependent on me, n i cant do anything i want when i feel like too ..

oh how i wish i just dont hurt the feeling of my mom n dad .. i mean they dunno how easily i would get stress n it will ruin my head, dat it spins n spins n hurt my head n me .. n i just cant do anything because i cant ... i get tired easily ...

omg .. my idl fitri is ruined bcoz of my self ...

i'm sorry ... astaghfirullah ...

Ya ALLAH ampunilah Aku ...

well .. this is the first time, we r separated celebrating idl fitri .. it was kind upsetting, surely makes me sad. Cmon .. the one dat u love most, n u only have him, parents n bro not included of course, n my world is him ... is in other part of the island. bout 2000 kms ... hiks2 ...ad

n tom, is idul fitri, the day when we forgive n forgiven, being pure again, like a blank paper, after doing fasting for a month, contemplation, sharing, more rituals close to GOD ...

well .. it's a lonely takbiran night .. i would say, a very different one, from other years ...

i ate with my bro at hanamasa depok, margo city, n then hookd up at my mom's house, feeling a very annoying migrain .. darn ... n ended up writing in tabulas, coz i feel so lonely.

well .. mostly this is beautiful night, since lots of fireworks, everywhere, beautiful ...

but .. hmm dad, sorry, bout losing my temper on u ... coz i was so tired. I wasnt supposed to lose temper on u .. showing tantrum ... just because unimportant matters .. i'm really sorry dad .. sorry .. from deep inside my heart ..

darn, i ruin d beautiful night ...

i'm in my bro's room .. he's surfing in d internet with some old music, which i dunno who sing it actually .. but it's kinda kewl .. coz our relationship is really working better than ever ...

and u know what, my mom, is watching me writing something, dat maybe she doesnt know what i wrote n how i felt at d moment .. omg i love my mom ...

haha .. funny my mom, she's just learning how to browse around in the internet yiippppeeee my mom is kewl! at least there will be at least minimum gap if it's about information technology

alhamdulillah .. this training dat i have dreamd since along time

though i'm not very good in art, but it's quite fun learning it .. hope i'm able to make something at last

there's a product from me .. gambatte in! u can make it!

d training will be finishd tom .. hmmm ... got lots to learn i think .. n it's exciting for sure

My bestfriend send me this sweet sms. Make me so touchy. Thanks my dear friend. Here is the sms:

I know that woman who's funny and caring, loving and sharing, mad and crazy, a sweet babe and a great mate and she is reading this message right now! Yeah, its you friend....