I'm Alive

-BECCA

Nothing I say comes out right,
I cant love without a fight,
No one ever knows my name,
When I pray for sun, it rains.
Im so sick of wasting time,
But nothings moving in my mind,
Inspiration cant be found,
I get up and fall but,

Im Alive, Im Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where youll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and Ill sleep when I die,
Ill live my life, Im Alive!

Every lover breaks my heart,
And I know it from the start,
Still I end up in a mess,
Every time I second guess.
All my friends just run away,
When Im having a bad day,
I would rather stay in bed, but I know theres a reason.

Im Alive, Im Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where youll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and Ill sleep when I die,
Ill live my life, Im Alive!

When Im bored to death at home,
When he wont pick up the phone,
When Im stuck in second place,
Those regrets I cant erase.

Only I can change the end,
Of the movie in my head,
Theres no time for misery,
I wont feel sorry for me.

Im Alive, Im Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where youll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and Ill sleep when I die,
Ill live my life, ohhhh!

Im Alive, Im Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where youll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and Ill sleep when I die,
Ill live my life,
Ill live my life,
Im Alive!

Huling HIRIT!!

har har! Last bout of enjoyment before I totally suck and be down right anti social and obsessive about thesis.

Guess what?

ROADTRIP TIME!!!

Hell yeah!! The V.Group had this outing planned since last week and they've been bugging me to attend. I was planning on NOT GOING at all and just doing my thesis this weekend. They were going to spend 3 days and 2 nights in Bulacan at a resort own by one of our friends. Sounds tempting, I know.

Up until the last minute, actually Sunday morning, I felt the sudden urge to go. Me and my Dad fought over some stupid things regarding boiling the chicken (I know, stupid right?) and about me cooking pasta for my little bro's b-day. Dad just wouldn't boil the damn chicken, the only task mom gave him, and argued about why waste the chicken leg when I could just use the ground beef.

Hello? Earth to Dad? I'm making CHICKEN carbonara, hence the actual CHICKEN involved.

*Face palms*

Anyway, I stormed out of the house dressed to impress and planned on going to the bastard road trip instead of cooking. I texted IV and asked him for directions on how to go to the resort. Instead of discreetly texting me back, that idiot suddenly called me up on my mobile that almost gave me a heartattack.

Mobile calls in public streets? Does he want me to get killed or something??

Finally directions were texted to me and I boarded the bus to Kabanatuan. So there I was, riding ALONE on the bus very unsure of the destination and where I should get off. The back of my mind hummed "the wheels on bus goes round and round" trying to keep sane at the least. Good thing my seatmate was a middle aged woman who likes to sleep by the window. Me and my paranoid self wasn't severely discovered.

I remained positive despite the blaring movie about kids-getting-lost-in-their-road-trip-and-gets-eaten-by-giant-bats.

Walter mart was the drop off place. I was puzzled by what is this Walter mart exactly?? I couldn't risk texting IV and getting a warrant to rob me at the same time, so I prayed to whatever Gods that could hear me. My semi-zero attention span diverted from watching the window for Walter Mart signs into watching the kids-get-eaten-by-bats movie.

I so wanted to strangle myself for that.

My peripheral vision zoomed on the huge mall structure that the bus was actually passing by. The driver must've seen me because I stood up so abruptly and out of the moment that people were staring at me like I was some kind of loonatic.

"Manong para po!!"

The driver quickly halted the bus and I ran like a madman to the exit of the bus and almost fell off. Leaving my dignity behind, I walked to the Walter Mart, relieved that I just might not get eaten by giant bats.

My god was that embarassing.

I texted S and IV for the next directions. Cool I'm like doing Amazing Race, only that I'm alone and has 99% of getting in trouble! They replied back and said to take a tricycle to 'Bustos'.

LOL much

I was so embarassed to say the word of the place that I got tongue-tied and said 'Butstos' instead, which in turn made me laughed harder cause I suddenly imagined a pervy butt. The manong tricycle driver just looked at me weirdly and drove. Being a UST-Manila-QC type of girl, I suspected that the travel time of the tricycle was just a short distance. But hell no! It was a long almost 40 minutes of tricycle driving!

I finally arrived at the resort with IV standing in front of the house waiting for me. I got to see the gang again, so happy! I felt so nostalgic and extremely happy that they had a huge gorgeous pool. R squeeled as she saw me and wasted no time in getting me in my bathing shorts and top. We jumped into the pool and giggled like teenagers.

Apart from all the abundant men in the pool, there were only 3 girls: me, R, and J. We played and swam to our delight while the guys tried to fight each other with the tower thingie move they always do in the pool. I raced with IV and lost to a freestyle swam-athon. 

And then there was the HOT TUB. 

The other guys went to the hot tub with J, but R and S got into the fight (also because of the HOT TUB) and IV asked me if I wanna hop in too. I declined but IV was still persistent on getting me in, so I made up some mumbo jumbo thing about architectural stuff in hot tubs that they're not so clean as you think.

Seriously that was a lie. I just didn't want to go in. =))

Everyone climbed out of the pool and dried off because me and R are about to go home. Yeah that was it lol, I wasn't planning on staying overnight. I have to do my thesis and face off mom and dad that night. After much drama between R and S, they finally calmed down and made up.

Aw love.

Ron, being the owner of the resort, decided to drop us off where the bus route is. IV and S went with us to keep us safe. So the four of us, including their other friend and this girl named A, we all took the bus to CUBAO and finally went our own way home.

I arrived safe and sound at home, without any qualms from my mom and dad. 

End of Sembreak! Goodbye freedom! =))

I was watching TYRA awhile ago. Why? well ask my effin' head and it's crappy work ethics. Anyway, this TYRA episode was about BROMANCE.

 "Bromance describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males,” 

"It is a non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close" -Urban Dictionary.com

There was this trio, Girl 1, Boy 1, and BG (stands for Boy/Girl, because apparently he has admitted to being gay). Here's the scenario, if you haven't watched the show and was probably doing something more productive than me. Girl 1 and Boy 1 are in a relationship together but Boy 1 is totally ditching his girlfriend, Girl 1, to hang out with BG, his long time best friend.

Wait. pause. stop. You mean this Boy 1 is actually ditching his girl for his gay bestfriend??

Yep he is. He's been spending a majority of his time with BG and his psycho girlfriend, Girl 1, is like totally bitchin' about it on TV too. Classy.

Long story short, Girl 1 just wants Boy 1 to spend more time with her, less with BG and hopefully prevent Boy 1 from turning into the PINK side (if you know what I mean *coughGAYcough*). Boy 1 was oblivious and playing on the safe side. BG however doesn't really give a flying pig's shit about the whole drama, well he does a little, but unlike the psycho girlfriend, he wasn't blindly throwing insults on TV.

He was calm, collected and tried to defend his side.

However, this was a TYRA show. An overly feministic show about GIRL power and all that fluffy shit. Ironic that TYRA herself works in an industry full of GAY people, she was pretty judgemental about this topic. She acted like a prosecutor in a LAW drama that seeks justice to punish men and humiliate them on live television.

I extremely, vehemently, dislike the way she handled this episode. It wasn't even an episode that tried to resolve the issue. It was just a mano-imano prosecutor interview in which the Boy 1 and BG were asked a series of questions that would prove them wrong no matter what answer they could deliver. Add that TYRA was also cutting BG's explanations frequently.

hmmm... feminist much? =/

It's a public humiliation shit. ON TV. and the people involve probably doesn't realize they're gonna be on the spot like that.

Sure, both guys getting a pair of Tiffany friendship rings MIGHT sound wrong but who are we to judge what their friendship are. Is it really that wrong?? Tyra talks about fairness in gender and all that shit about accepting yourself for who you are and here she's contradicting herself.

Girls buy friendship rings ALL the time, why can't men do it?

Because they're Men? They should chug beer, lift iron weights, flex their muscles and be all manly and shit?

Bah. They could chug beer all they want for all I care, but give them a fighting chance and a say about their side. The show is effin one sided making Boy 1 and BG look like their the villains who did the girl wrongly by not giving her the attention she needed.

What about the girl huh? She's totally bitching about things but why doesn't she move her lazy ass and do something about it? Not take it to live TV for public humiliation. I though TYRA's girls were better than that.

Hmphh way to pop my fantasy bubble.

I'm not saying don't watch the TYRA show because it's extremely one-sided feminist promoting GIRL power, I'm just saying that go watch OPRAH instead. You'll cry a little here and there but it's for the sake of world peace and touching stories. Seriously, even George Clooney and Brad Pitt sheds a tear over an OPRAH show, or at least their characters in OCEAN.

There's still justice in this world.

All that hardwork, crappy feeling, migranes, cramming, being overly perfectionist in every detail, and countless of sleepless nights that are coffee induced finally paid off.

Thanks ma'am dela rosa! I hope you keep pushing us to our limits.

I know my thesis is not one of those 'it'll help better the world' kind of projects that'll save the world from destruction, but hey... I think what's more important is that after all this I could look back and say...

"I had fun"

A part of me is happy that I chose this and not something that I don't love, however I'm still scared on what people think about it and how it will be accepted, especially the jury. I hope I can stand up and wave the otaku flag proudly and not falter at people's criticisms and harsh prejudice. 

Let's keep moving forward! :]

PS: I'm just glad I didn't fail XDD

A-ahhhh sembreak at last!

After all that hard, exhausting, extremely sleepless nights of torture and thesis, I'm beyond thankful that I can start catching up on some manga series I neglected, my so-so non-existent social life and my one-shot manga that's suppose to come out on Komikon.

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Manga series:

nothing new, just catching up on what happened to the world of never ending bleach and filler filled naruto. I've been trying to look for some new goong chappies here and there. Of course shonen jump series like claymore, dgray (which kinda sucked lately), fairy tail, and reborn.

I've been wondering when HxH finally gets off it's HIATUS butt. I really enjoyed that series, more like worshipped it but the endless manga hiatus (a.k.a. Togashi trying to finish his video games calling a 'sick' leave) keeps me from reading new chapters to avoid the horrid feeling of wanting more.

Also maybe too much BL numbed me to the core when it comes to partial nudity, because I find myself enjoying a slightly ecchi harem series, Sekirei. REALLY... like I find it really interesting and a joy to read, despite all the boobage. 

Other than that, I've been DLing a lot random series here and there. There's nothing but click fest here and my orbit and torrent's full to the brim. My dad's scolding me nonstop, for the first time since sembreak. Apparently I've been hogging the pc for nonsense hooky purposes.

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Games:

Gah, I played Audition yesterday and there was this annoying player who keeps PMing me and saying I know him and then accused me of not being ME. Not only that, he said I'm not his GF and why am I using my account?..  bah! that doesn't even make sense when I write it down.

Ridiculous right? 

I blocked the asshole and deleted him off my messenger. 

Anyway, it's funny to see players recognizing my character, despite the 4 months absence from the game.

"Ui! tagal mo nawala ah! :]"

I haven't playing seriously since last year and a lot of my game friends are high level players now. Lol. Those bastards left me. haha! I'm surprised that a lot have changed within the game! There's a lot of cool clothes in the item shop but it's all EP and I'm too cheap and frugal to buy electronic clothes when I can't even buy myself a real one. LOL. 

Still, playing the game made me feel nostalgic. I love the audition songs (even though I can't understand korean) and I've promised to myself before to DL some when I get the time. So DL I did.

PS: I totally have a crush on my game friend! He added me on FS, (btw my FS sucks no new pics of me because I'm too lazy and such a panda lately) and I totally screamed like a fangirl! He's so effin cute! 1 more eyecandy yay!

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Social Life:

Lately, I promised myself to not disclose my semi-non-existent love life to the world or my friends. Probably because I don't want to make it such a big deal. Yeah I'm seeing some people casually. Hanging out with different people. Tying up lose relationships. Forging new ones.

It's no biggie. I realized that I've been neglecting a lot of people in my life. The same people which I've eaten lunch with during highschool and others which knew me by friends of their friends. I've been feeling alone in a long time, especially during my thesis ordeal. I felt my world close around me. It was like someone turned the lights off in a room I was in and locked me up for 4 months without human interaction.

Gross right? haha

Archi life is such a fishbowl. There's nothing but your blockmates, barkada and your thesis. DRAMA Ugh. Back in highschool I had so much more than that. I had my newspaper clubmates, my varsity friends, my pepsquad mates, Online friends, game guildmates, & anime enthusiasts. Not to mention I had close ties with my elementary friends too.

I decided I would try and connect with them all again.  Cool! positive thinking! oh yea! :]

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My ONE-SHOT MANGA

*avoids the flying daggers*

I know, instead of doing BLACK+LABEL, I've decided to create a totally not connected in anyway ONE-shot. I know, I know... I should be killed... but please try to understand that I'm totally drained from thesis and there's no way I can return to the world of BLACK+LABEL without making a mess of it.

I want to properly do BLACK+LABEL, inspite of my own negativity about my talent and I can't do that right now. My style of drawing has severely changed a lot than I myself expected. So severe that I can't capture Gin's stoic look anymore. I can't draw his hair correctly... or even pick myself up from the failure that I can't draw my own character again. I'm really really sad about it.

All this architecture crap has severely injured and wounded my artistic side of the brain.

I love Gin, so bad that I want to kill my own hand for betraying me and not obeying my orders. Still I'm trying HARD to get back to that art style of BLACK+LABEL but for now, I'm creating a ONE-shot manga.

It's supposed to be a slice of life story. I had the draft script saved and even showed it to my friend JEA. She countered me with the expected line of...

"Di ba ikaw to???"

LOL. Yeah I'm partially blamed for that, but artists like myself use their negative experiences and turn it into money. Hence a one-shot manga. I was SEVERELY hesitant to let her read the draft script, because it's messy and you probably can't understand it if you're a normal person, but I thought... hell there's nothing to lose. I could always revise it anyway.

Oh me and my everchanging muse.

Monday afternoon, before I showed the draft script to Jea, her and Lui showed me the TRESE comics and I BLAME that beautiful piece of literature for making me lose my interest in the slice of life story. I blame it to hell! That damn comics made my head hurt (because of the sudden blood rush to my head while reading it lying down), caused me a migrane and took away my lovely inspiration for a nice sweet romantic oneshot.

It literally killed whatever romance flame inside my head, and doused the fire with supernatural mythical something inspiration instead.

I found another inspiration and this time, my hands actually agrees with me. So before I lose my muse again, I stopped reading other manga and started to draw the one-shot.

a panel from the one-shot. don't mind the dirtyness of it lol

The current ONE-shot I'm drawing is about a girl who got lost in the forest, encountered a mythical being and they form a lasting friendship. 

"Ang landi! churvaness to the NTH level!" - I could just imagine my extremely GAY highschool friend, Bea, saying this to my face.

I've finished drawing the 2 pages and I'm starting on the third one later. I'm pretty excited with this one! I've even started drawing rough character pages! I love the story to death hence I'm going to do it full scale and not slack like I did with BLACK+LABEL.

For the first time.. I'm going to test my newly acquired photoshop skills (which sucks but is still quite handy)

I don't have a title yet though. I also don't know how many pages it'll be but I'm staying positive and I hope a lot of people will like it as they have liked BLACK+LABEL. Who knows.. maybe I'll create a doujin too if I finish early.