tabulas.com

i am out of my league. i'm confused.stressing about lovelife is not my thing 

anymore. since the day i've decided i'd rather be numb than dumb!

but too bad.i have to relive that day things happened. and that day

happens to be tomorrow! MAY 17! damn! hurt is just within us. we just have

to let go, but 'til then. you make yourself miserable and stay where you are. 

never the less. we live stuck in one moment we can't get out of. and right now. i'm stuck with a memory that i'd love to throw out my door. but it was too harsh, it became a part of me... i don't really have an idea of what i'm writing about in this post.. but i just have to get this out of my system... :::
Screw you ----- b---o-o--! F*CK you and your stupid life!

you better wish you were dead. coz an opportunity i get to get back at you will never miss.

 

and the day that happens.
these are the only words i will utter:

REVENGE sure is SWEET!!!

in·som·ni·a [in sómnee ə]

n

difficulty in sleeping: inability to fall asleep or to remain asleep long enough to feel rested, especially as a problem continuing over time

insomnia, i can say that it is one of the illness i have and is most likely to be develped during summer.. its 5:15 am and i'm typing in my blog.. now who does that?? sleeping is one of my favorite hobbies, yet something i am deprived of. i can't remember when i started sleeping this late or how, but i notice it now its almost 2 days that i haven't had a good sleep. and in a few hours i'm going to go to puerto already..

yeah, time to hit the beaaaaach!!!

isn't it relaxing to stay in the beach..walk along the shore and watch the sunrise and sunset? it doesn't even matter if you're alone or with someone.. just lie on the sand and feel the ray of the sun sting your skin.. get a tan, chill.. have a pina colada or margarita..then party at night right?

this is what i intend to do this weekend.. give myself a break.. everybody needs a break, and maybe there i could get some sleep...right?  oh well.. im gonna try to have a fun-filled trip with my cousin and just live my life like im dying tomorrow..=p

Dang...life!! Just when you get up there,.. You crash back down. Sometimes the sunset is just hysterically depressing, yet in can seem so romantic & beautiful. I just read an article or post about being in love and loving! There’s a difference... but does it really matter?! Isn’t it important to just know that it drives you mad to be with this person? That you can't live without him/her? The world you live in is his... as they say I may have a broomstick up my ASS when it comes to loving, it’s either i’m too UPTIGHT or i’m too LOOSE! So which one is it? My mind is already so fu*ked up...
At the moment I feel like imp stuck in an island of my past!! I have to get outta there!! My life is a stranded boat in a place called TRALALA!! waah...
Oh well, i can't just reminisce forever and regret all the nice things I didn't see coming my way coz I was too busy looking back...right?

I’m nowhere close to being fine! I’m currently NOSTALGIC!! At 430 in the morning i’m eating already! Phew!!! What i’m eating is really HOT too!! Neway... yeaah...I get why i’m suddenly like this! I can't cry, I can tell i’m depressed! I’m eating and eating. But other than that I have no way of showing it and expressing it... once in my life I fell in love... and I was damn hurt when I was left hanging! There’s one memory that was left of this guy. and it was the movie "the ring" jap. Version. And I saw the ring 2 today. So I guess this is why the hell I am so emotional? At the moment. Although I have no way of showing it and expressing it… I am literally so NUMB already! I don’t know what’s with me… I know I’m depressed but I don’t feel it, it’s as if it’s just my mind telling me that. Why is it that our mind plays tricks on us…?  I can’t tell how, in what way or anything, but it does... and I’m just too tired of playing mind games. Darn .

I Wish I Was Drunk
I wish I was drunk all of the time;
then things would be so much easier;
I’d be able to say all those things
that you need to hear.
I’d never be afraid of my pride
I’d never have to hide Everything would be so grand
I could show you all the things
That I keep hidden inside-
if only I could be drunk all of the time
I’d sing you songs
I’d write you poems;
I’d come home full of cheer
I’d never be upset about work,
or the traffic on the way home
or the neighbor’s dog
or the mess the kids made today.
I wish I was drunk;
then I would be home right now;
instead of being here,
you wouldn’t have to miss me
you wouldn’t be alone
we’d be laughing at the shows
playing on the T.V.
listening to music
and talking about all our great plans..
I wish I was drunk.

 

~i love the GREEN FAIRY!!~

An Alcoholic’s Prayer
Bless ye Lord for alcohol
it get’s me fucking drunk
Praise ye as I take these shots
That make me give a fuck
I bask myself in thy glory
Though I may forget all of it
You blessed me in so many ways
And allowed me to do stupid shit
I put down a fifth and pray
To the holy son
For he allowed me to be a lush
And say things that are dumb
So in honor of your holy name
I’ll get fucked up again
And if my liver rots away
We’ll party together. Amen.

one minute im in a bliss,
the next im just pissed.
what is this im feeling?
could it be im falling??

he's sweet, charming...
but his eyes are for her.
if i accepted this fact
then why am i bothered?

i don't know what love is,
and i don't want to find out.
i'll just let the book guide
and i'll live it out

i've been bruised and abused
by these guys all around.
in so many ways,
they were pulling me down

am i bitter?
or am i numb?
simply stupid?
or in love?

i believe, i decieve
but i know its a bet
i conquer, i soar
yet inside i wept

who am i kidding?
my feelings are fine
its you who needs counselling
please no more lies

are u really single? or just fooling around?
do u really like me? or am i a rebound?
i can't understand the rules of this game
but im willing to risk it, to see he's okay....