PIZZAFACE

because i am a sheep with no proper mind of my own, and because i went home straight after work instead of going to the gym like i was supposed to (ergo lots of time to kill), i joined flickr. i have not uploaded so many pictures yet, because i have to buy the exclusive membership thingy to get lots and lots of lovely bandwidth, but it will come, my pretties. it will come..

oh, anyway. here:

www.flickr.com

so. i've been horribly grown up lately. i had a conversation with my new boss following which he asked me to make a three-year-plan for my career at el-giganten. i've been having these terrifying urges to fix up my balcony and plant flowers. i tidied my apartment even though no one was coming over to see it.

this is all very frightening stuff, people. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO. i need to start putting up a better fight. i am only nineteen years old.

damn, adulthood does not know who they tried to mess with. from now on, i am going to be so immature and thoughtless it is going to BLOW ADULTHOOD'S MIND.

um. after i finish writing this three-year-plan out, anyway.

damn. the man got me after all.

this is a huge relief. after weeks, or possibly months, of living in a cultural and intellectual vacuum, i feel i'm slowly coming back to life.

i've been starting to get slightly worried about my grey matter starting to decay, as i read hardly any new books for aeons, stopped reading the morning paper regularly once i moved to solna and no longer got it delivered, and never discuss the goings-on of the world anymore. i even caught myself having said, consistently every time i went to the movies for the past i don't know how long, "oh, i'm really not feeling anything heavy today."

i haven't been feeling anything heavy for ages. as far as anything's concerned. but now i think i am. i've started wanting to go to the movies again, without necessarily wanting to see only vapid comedies. i've started reading books again - no, more than that, i've started craving books again; i've remembered what a passion i have for plunging head-first into a great new book. i think what it all boils down to is that i'm ready to start learning again, or just start thinking again.

at last.

okay, this is me being extremely sneaky by writing a new blog entry in my extremely old blog. and now we will see if anyone ever notices it, seeing as how i assume no one goes to tabulas anymore.

i am going through an extremely strange kind of heartbroken right now. i've never known anything quite like it, but i suppose this is what getting dumped feels like when you hadn't been seeing the guy for too long. i am sad, to be sure, but in a very detached way. i'm actually happy (generally speaking) but i'm sort of sad underneath. at the same time. it feels as though i'm more down about the 'what-ifs' than about actually missing you know, him. (oh, but i am too old and wise to be naming names on the internets, my friends ). about what we could've had together once we got to know eachother better.

i am also heartbroken about not getting laid regularly anymore, but i suppose that is a different matter.

hah.

oh my god, it feels weirder than i thought to be writing something on tabulas again. it doesn't really help that i read through all of my old entries before posting something new, which means that i'm semi-trapped in the state of mind that i was in in, say, march 2004, or august 2005. which is funny, because i was different then, and i wrote in a different way then from the way i do now.

so you'll excuse me if a *snort* or a *rolls eyes* worms its way into this entry. i blame it on having my brain addled with nostalgia from reading ancient history diary entries.

oh, but although i am now mature and hardened by the trials of life and adulthood (i.e. i've graduated school and become of age) i'm very relieved to discover that i haven't lost the child's feeling of idealism and sense of wonder for the world we live in.

i saw 'blood diamond' yesterday - horrifyingly good, by the way - and for some reason, a film about civil war and other atrocities that mankind inflict on one another made me want to see the world and experience all sort of things. ever since i left the theatre i've been filled with an urgency to really, do something. lots of things. to not waste any of my time, and to make sure i get off my butt and see and do all the things i've always wanted to do. and maybe the things that just randomly pop into my head, as well.

ah, life.

alcohol truly is satan's poison.

this is what happens when i go out for a good night out with friends: i wake up the next morning with absolutely no memory of anything past a certain point at the bar, a big graze on my arm, a miniature war raging inside my head, and a very bad feeling about what happened last night.

oh, and as it turns out, two very angry parents.

confused? so was i. i spent most of the day trying to piece together the events of the previous evening, whilst feeling suicidally nauseous, and having conversations that went something like this:

Ã¥sa: well, it was after i bought you that tequila shot...

clara: you bought me a tequila shot?!

Ã¥sa: and then you disappeared for a while...

clara: i disappeared for a while?!

Ã¥sa: --i think you maybe went dancing?

clara: i went DANCING?! at HOT COMPANY'S?!

soon after that i receive a call from a very pissed-off jonathan who informs me that last night as we were walking home i had, in the space of thirty seconds, pushed him up against a wall, tried to kiss him but promptly fallen over, and as he tried to help me home, accused him of trying to take advantage of me.

o_O

when he got to my place he had to wake my parents up and inform them of the situation, because he wanted my dad to help carry me up the stairs.

o_O

so that explains why my parents were angry at me.

i am never drinking again. le very big sigh.