How do you tell someone you don't wanna be friends with her anymore? It sucks. I've been friends with this person for like 12 years already. At a certain point, we even became best friends.
Until college life rolled by, everything was going great - we'd hang out together, go on trips together, have midnight escapades, burn phone lines till 430am. she knew my family, she love my f\little brother to bits. My parents adore her.

BUT

She became a different person. I know how its bitchy and stupid to just go and think that "hey, i liked you before when you were so-and-so". You're not being a friend then coz you don't want the other to grow. It's not that I don't want her to grow as a person - it's just that I don't want her to become the person I know she's not!
She's totally different from the person I used to know. I've tried over and over to make this friendship work - but it seems to be going nowhere. *sigh*

I feel bad saying I give up on this - but I am. I can't take anymore of it, being made to feel worthless, irrelevant. I mean, she doesn't even respect me!!!! Goodness.

I saw Julian today after, like, 2 weeks. God, everytime I see that kid, I can't help but think - this guy was my past, but I still want him in my future.

Here's the deal: Julian is Jeremy's younger brother. Jeremy's the ex-boyfriend I never really got over. We were together for such a short time, yet I know I really loved that guy. Even when I was already with Jayson, I still wanted so much to be with Jer.
I met Julian this year. Who knew that "shoti" would turn out to be such a hunk. But anyway, that's beside the point.

I love Jeremy's family - his sister, his mom, his dad, his little brother, Jarred. And I loved Julian when I got to know him.

Everything about them was great - they've always been the family I hoped to have. But that's past.

Jeremy told me he still loved me, but he knows there's no future in store for us. Why? Even I don't know.

I see Julian and think, here's the future I want. There's the happiness I threw away. I felt extremely overwhelmed when I saw him a while back. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be back with Jeremy, to be part of them once again. More than loving the family, more than finding myself with them, I miss Jeremy. I love Jeremy, and deep down, I know I always will. Though it stinks, though it hurts, though its just plain sad. I had my chance, and I blew it.
And yet I know it won't happen.

Julian is the link I still have with my past - with the past I threw away. And it hurts. Bad.

I'm seeing a new guy, someone really great, someone I know I may love. It feels awkward, being so down and sad upon seeing Julian - and being so happy that I met someone totally great and whose world revolves around me.

But then now I begin to think - is Jeremy really right for me? That even if all the gods conspired to bring us back together, will I be happy? I keep thinking, things would've worked out if Jeremy had been more so and so, less so and so. Then I think, all those things I wanna change - those are the thingsthatdefine who Jeremy is. Those are the things intrinsics to him. Those are what makes Jeremy Jeremy. And to be honest, I hate it. I can't stand most of it. But I've tried to overlook that and be happy he's that.

Argh.

1. Body: Sleep with or without clothes on? With clothes - white shirt, boxers

2. Prefer black or blue pens? Black pilot signpen

3. Dress up on Halloween? Wouldn't dare

4. Like to travel? Depends on who I'm with

5. Like someone? Right now? Definitely.

6. Does he/she know? Yep.

7. Sleep on your side? Yep, on my right side. They say it's a lucky sleeping position....

8. Think you're attractive? Based on the number of manliligaw/admirers? Of course!

9. Want to marry? Not really.

10. Who? Someone not conventional Chinese

11. Are you a good student? Used to be. Now not na.

12. Are you currently in a relationship? It's hard to define where I am right now. Most probably not.

13. Are you involved in sports? Yeppers, fencing!

14. Birthplace? Makati City, Philippines

15. Christmas or Halloween? Christmas!!!!!!!! Fave time of year!

16.Colored or black-and-white photo? Sepia

17. Do long distance relationships work? All I know is that I don't want one - I'm too darn selosa

18. Do you believe in astrology? Hell ya.

19. Do you believe in God? Sometimes... I believe in saints and angels, though

20. Do you believe in love at first sight? I usually mix up lust with love...so yeppers

21. Do you consider yourself the life of the party? Family parties, NO. Otherwise, yes

22. Do you drink? Social animal, so ya

23. Do you have a car? Yung I own and drive? Nope, don't drive e

24. Do you have a job? I don't do "jobs" - I'm a business person, though

25. Do you make fun of people? It's a hobby

26. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Yes

27. Fave thing to do? Fence, read, sleep, tv, eat, talk

28. Fave breakfast food? Buffet! yung sa hotels

29. Fave Candy? I'd rather eat chocolates. Umm..Kraft caramel

30. Fave Vacation spot? Kahit saan vacation spot - except house.

31. Favorite body part of the opposite sex: ooohhhh.... eyes - i like them singkit

32. Favorite cartoon? Cartoon movie? Beauty and the Beast. Cartton Show? The Simpsons, As Told By Ginger, Astroboy

33. Go to the movies or rent? Neither. I hate movies.

34. Have you ever moved? Houses? Nope. Although I always move my body around...baduy ko

35. Have you ever stolen anything (from a store)? Yes - shampoo, lip gloss, shirt, eraser, jeans...seryoso!

36. How's the weather right now? Bitchy

37. Hug or kiss? hmmm... sa boyfriend? sabay

38. Last person you talked to on the phone? Eunice and i totally bitched on her!

39. Last time you showered? About 2 hours ago

40. Loud or soft music? anything, basta 70's

41. McDonalds or Burger King? McDo syempre

42. More romantic; baths or showers? Baths, definitely

43. Night or day? Sunset, then night

44. Number of Pillows? On bed? one lang

45. Piano or guitar? Classical piano

1. Body: Sleep with or without clothes on? With clothes - white shirt, boxers

2. Prefer black or blue pens? Black pilot signpen

3. Dress up on Halloween? Wouldn't dare

4. Like to travel? Depends on who I'm with

5. Like someone? Right now? Definitely.

6. Does he/she know? Yep.

7. Sleep on your side? Yep, on my right side. They say it's a lucky sleeping position....

8. Think you're attractive? Based on the number of manliligaw/admirers? Of course!

9. Want to marry? Not really.

10. Who? Someone not conventional Chinese

11. Are you a good student? Used to be. Now not na.

12. Are you currently in a relationship? It's hard to define where I am right now. Most probably not.

13. Are you involved in sports? Yeppers, fencing!

14. Birthplace? Makati City, Philippines

15. Christmas or Halloween? Christmas!!!!!!!! Fave time of year!

16.Colored or black-and-white photo? Sepia

17. Do long distance relationships work? All I know is that I don't want one - I'm too darn selosa

18. Do you believe in astrology? Hell ya.

19. Do you believe in God? Sometimes... I believe in saints and angels, though

20. Do you believe in love at first sight? I usually mix up lust with love...so yeppers

21. Do you consider yourself the life of the party? Family parties, NO. Otherwise, yes

22. Do you drink? Social animal, so ya

23. Do you have a car? Yung I own and drive? Nope, don't drive e

24. Do you have a job? I don't do "jobs" - I'm a business person, though

25. Do you make fun of people? It's a hobby

26. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Yes

27. Fave thing to do? Fence, read, sleep, tv, eat, talk

28. Fave breakfast food? Buffet! yung sa hotels

29. Fave Candy? I'd rather eat chocolates. Umm..Kraft caramel

30. Fave Vacation spot? Kahit saan vacation spot - except house.

31. Favorite body part of the opposite sex: ooohhhh.... eyes - i like them singkit

32. Favorite cartoon? Cartoon movie? Beauty and the Beast. Cartton Show? The Simpsons, As Told By Ginger, Astroboy

33. Go to the movies or rent? Neither. I hate movies.

34. Have you ever moved? Houses? Nope. Although I always move my body around...baduy ko

35. Have you ever stolen anything (from a store)? Yes - shampoo, lip gloss, shirt, eraser, jeans...seryoso!

36. How's the weather right now? Bitchy

37. Hug or kiss? hmmm... sa boyfriend? sabay

38. Last person you talked to on the phone? Eunice and i totally bitched on her!

39. Last time you showered? About 2 hours ago

40. Loud or soft music? anything, basta 70's

41. McDonalds or Burger King? McDo syempre

42. More romantic; baths or showers? Baths, definitely

43. Night or day? Sunset, then night

44. Number of Pillows? On bed? one lang

45. Piano or guitar? Classical piano

A - Age: 21

B - Birthdate: Janaury 4, 1983

C - Crushes: To type in the list is akin to commiting suicide...

D - Dessert of choice: Carrot cake with cream cheese icing

E - Easiest person to talk to: Nicole (bestfriend)

F - Favorite song(s): Moon River

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears

H - Hobbies: Reading, talking, sleeping, shopping, fencing, talking,
eating, shopping

I - Instruments: I'm dying to learn the violin

K - Kids: Hate them, unless they're cute, witty, and a little on the
quiet side, then I'm fine with them

L - Longest car/train ride ever: Ahhh...hmmm....going to samar I
guess, 5 hours?

M - Mom's name: Grace

N - Number of siblings: 5 - 3 sis, 2 brothers

P - Phobia[s]: lizards, crossing the street

Q - Favorite Expression: A couple of bleepable swear and cuss
words; Super!

R - Reasons to smile: As of the moment? New friends/acquaintances - Jazz, Jeb, Jaewoo, Julian (we're doing the letter J, ladies and gents),
Bern, Trina, Loric, Carol; Newly rediscovered old friends who I'm
getting close to again- Eumir, Chard, Jeremy

S - Song you sang last: Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road

T - Time you wake up: everyday? 730am

U - Unknown fact about me: I'd rather leave it unknown

V - Vegetable you hate: Wansuy

W - Worst habit: Biting my plastic cup rim and straw to bits

X - X-rays you've had: Chest, CT scan in the head

Y - Yummy food: Sinigang na Baboy ng Ken Afford

Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn