Heidi

My poor little kitty Rye died last night. I can't even believe I just typed that out... It's so surreal, and although I've grieved inwardly and outwardly for the past 19 hours, I still can't believe it. I have always been afraid to come home and find what I found last night, but I honestly thought it would be at least another 5 years, and hopefully more like 10. I wasn't prepared for this at all. This comes as a complete blow to me, to my heart...to Allen. To the way my life will seem for the next several weeks and even months. To not have my Little Rye Guy around to greet me and be near me...he loved to hang out with Allen, Kelly and I...to just be with us. he wasn't a fan of being in someone's lap, but he wanted to be as close as possible to his friends, nuzzling his head in our hands and licking our fingers for up to 45 minutes at a time. He was the sweetest, most personable cat with the most character I've ever met. Everyone loved him, even people who didn't like cats. He was the kitty that converted Allen from absolutely hating cats to being Rye's good buddy and being willing to give cats a chance - because of how sweet, adorable, and nice Rye was.

Allen and I came home last night from about 2 or 3 hours of hanging out at some friends' house and found Rye in the laundry room, laying on his side, non responsive, not moving... We rushed him to an emergency after hours small-animals vet where he was pronounced dead around midnight. Apparently he had been that way for "a while". He had had his diaphragm hernia from when I first adopted him that caused him to not be able to keep food down sometimes. Our vet at Cozy Cat said that it didn't seem serious and he should be fine. That maybe he'd need surgery later down the years, but it didn't seem necessary in the present time. So he throws up his dinner sometimes, we give him water, try to keep Catcher from eating what Rye threw up and make things restful for him.

Last night we were about to leave when he started acting like he'd throw up after his dinner. So I sat with him in the kitchen for about 30 minutes, petting him and trying to make him comfortable. Cleaned up when he threw up on the hardwoods. After a while, he seemed ok (he usually just sort of gets it out of his system, calms down and lays on his side to relax and digest I guess. then he replenishes at the next meal, or we'll feed him what he didn't finish before later on) so we closed him in the laundry room with fresh water, his blankie, a litter box and left the light on. We did this so that Catcher wouldn't antagonize him while we were gone (put a litter box in the guest bathroom for him) or eat anything he threw up (since that's pretty gross). Catcher had his own water in the kitchen. I've done this multiple times over the last year and a half when I've needed to leave and Rye needed some personal space like this. So when we came home, Rye was laying on his side in the laundry room. I immediately went to greet him, let him out and pet him and see if he was feeling any better. he didn't move when I opened the door and it touched him. and i reached down to touch him and he didn't move and seemed stiff. there was more throw-up on the floor. his mouth hung open and i screamed for allen...

We had a really rough night, coming home 2 hours later. the emergency vet told us they could do a "rough autopsy" for $50 that 50% of the time gives results of what caused the death. Then she told us we could take him to a drop-off freezer at an animal disease lab center over by the Art museum where we could fill out a form and leave our contact information and all information about the animal, and they could do a much more thorough investigation. We were pretty sure it was probably his pre-existing condition that he's always struggled with, but figured that it was worth the $88 to make sure it wasn't anything environmental (something poisonous around the house he ate or something) that could harm Catcher too..

I'm not really sure how to mourn or what to do since it feels like i just lost my own offspring. Catcher's never been alone (without another cat around him) his whole life, so i worry about him too. poor little rye...he didn't deserve it..didn't deserve the complications he had. who knows if it was from birth or if his previous owner did anything bad to him. i can't let myself think it was my fault for going out last night, for handing it the same way i've handled it for over 1.25 years now. i had no way of knowing what would happen would happen. but it still stings and it was so sudden. i can't believe this happened. he was such a sweet lovable kitty and i loved him so much... allen and i really weren't prepared for this at all. i knew he was a sick kitty but didn't know it was this bad. the vet said he'd be ok..

So I got a call from the Doctor who did his Necropsy (autopsy) Here's the findings the nice doctor talked through with me on the phone earlier today...I jotted them down messily on a notepad, then typed them out since it seemed good to have the facts recorded..

Caused of death was choking – there was food in his mouth and beginning of his airway, and a good bit of food down in the bottom ½ of his esophogus. He had really thickened masses of muscle where the esophogus passes the diaphragm, left hardly any space for any food to pass thorugh. The muscle here should only be the thickness of a few pieces of paper stacked together, but it was about 1” thick. The muscle grew this thick, probably as some sort of response to the diaphramatic hernia. Nothing was obvious under the microscope as a major problem with the muscle, but she’ll look at samples of the muscle and the diaphragm under a microscope and call back by next Monday to let me know if she finds anything further.

It looks like something had been going on for a long time, and it just happened that in this case, he choked on his food that he was regurgitating back up. Sounds like it was all caused by the diaphramatic hernia, but how the hernia itself happened, or the abnormal muscle growth, she doesn’t know. It was just abnormal muscle. It was an unusual situation that the doctor had never seen before. Food being right at the beginning of the trachia, causing choking was the cause of death.

Rye will be communally cremated. Personal cremation through an outside service would cost around $100 or so ($10-20 less or more, she wasn’t sure), but communal cremation would cost $5 on top of the $25 for the necropsy.

He wasn't really an outside kitty, so i couldn't think of a good place that would have been meaningful to him to spread his ashes. And if I had gotten his ashes back in an urn or something it would be really sad to see the urn in Rye's place, I just know that Catcher would have eventually knocked it over and eaten it... So we opted for the communal cremation. I don't think Rye would have been picky about that.

I seek solace in knowing that i truly "rescued" him from the SPCA last July. That anyone else might have had him put down at the first sign of medical complications. Or not treated him as well as Allen, Kelly and I did. Not appreciated, loved  and considered him as much of a family member as we did. That maybe no one would have even adopted him, having to agree like I did that I understood he had health complications and was still willing to adopt him and give him a good life. He might have been separated from his brother and lived the rest of his life on the cold shelter floor with 20 other cats around bothering him. I was happy to take him and his brother home and give them a comfortable loving life, with unconditional caring, since I had the means to do all those things. He was my miniature friend. My little buddy. Allen's little buddy. My little snow bunny.

He'd flop over on his belly, knowing it was the cutest possible thing he could do, and gain everyone's immediate love. He loved to have his belly rubbed, and he'd hold your hands in close to his chest sometimes when you pet him there. He loved to lick people's hands and look people in the eye. he'd pretend to bite sometimes, but would never chomp down. He'd sit and face the tv to be just like us people and watch movies with us. when he stood, his little paws were almost always at 90 degree angles. Ridiculously cute. 95% of the time, if the tv remote was on the couch, he'd lay parallel to it's orientation - i'm not sure why, but almost always. :) He was my companion and friend, and for all the pain i'm going through and will continue to go through, i wouldn't trade the pain for not having had him in my life. i've always been a cat person, so i decided to adopt 2 cats when i got a full time job. I got hired and got the kitties a week before i started work. at that time allen and i were on our 6-month break, so they were my companions when i was alone in the aparment, when kelly wasn't there. they kept me from being completely depressed and lonely. they made a difference in my life at a time when i really needed it. i appreciated them and their presence so much for that, and immediately considered them two of my best friends. from day one, i couldn't imagine not having them in my life.

rye would "help" me cook and scrapbook and quilt. always sitting peacefully by, content to watch up close, but not disrupt or get in the way. he was my little helper.

And now he's gone. It's amazing what a vast difference one cat in a house is to two. thank god for catchy because if i didn't have him to cuddle with and hug today, i don't knwo what i would have done. my job now is to give him enough love for both of the kitties. he's a sweetie too....rye was just a special kind of kitty, that i don't think i'll ever find in any other cat ever again.

oh god. i can't believe it. i wasn't ready for this at all. :(

I will be doing a post on my recent Corregidor trip in the coming days (medyo tinatamad kasi ako eh). :)

Anyways it was a very fun trip! The best trip I've done so far!

***********

Malapit na ang birthday ko! Damn! Well, nothing special I guess. Just another day...

Hay.... kelan kaya ako bibili ng iPod? hehe... Ang tamad e noh???

/>i'm out

...here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!

(updates to come after the trip)

/>i'm out

• petiks na rin sa wakas!
  • kaso, iba na ang hahawakan ko next releas! amp! sana makaya ko! ayaw ko nang ma-STRIKE 3...

• 10 days na lang at birthday ko na
  • malapit ko nang mabili ang iPod classic 120GB ko... ang tanong na lang ay kung "kelan" hehe

• you guys are getting jucier and jucier by the moment!
  • ang sweet nyo talaga grabe! wala akong masabi!

• mag-co-corregidor kami nina shadowmeld at gielnle. overnight yun (sat-sun).
  • sana walang bagyo. sana safe ang byahe. pers taym kong makakasakay ng barko if ever hehe. sayang naman ang pera kung babagyuhin kami huhuhu

yan lang muna. ciao!

/>i'm out

DEFEND THE NAME

• yes! talaga naman!!!! kahit ang small details!!! iba na talaga kayo guys! lalo na kanina! SWEETNESS TALAGA!!!

HINDI KO...

    * Honestly, hindi ko alam na A=Y, and F=N. Now I know.

2 ERR...

• to err is human, but to err twice, that's inhuman!
• to err is human; to forgive is NOT COMPANY POLICY

THE WEAKEST LINK

"A team is as strong as its weaket link." -- Willis Berrios

At kung ikaw ang weakest link?

GOODBYE!

/>i'm out