but not the vicky belo type. it's reconstructive yes, and i had it to fix the scars and nevus on my shoulder. i have about a gazillion stitches and it stings. i've been drugged dizzy with antibiotics and painkillers for weeks because of root canal and now this, and i doubt that all that medicine can still do something to my system. i feel almost immune.

the actual surgery wasn't too bad. i actually slept through most of it, but i hated how the anesthesia started to wear off just as the surgeon started stitching up and i felt every pierce of the needle and all the blood trickling down my shoulder. okay, sorry for the gore.

my shoulder still hurts like hell. a blockmate patted my shoulders as we were falling in line this morning and it bled a bit, not her fault, since i should have told my blockmates about it earlier. what i hate most about it is deterrence to my mobility, especially since i do most everything with my right hand. i can't do my daily exercise and even taking a bath is excruciating. i hope it heals soon, but i already have surgery phobia. being a keloid former doesn't help one bit.

i had this thought halfway through surgery. sometimes you have to be cut in order to be whole again. to hurt in order to heal. it's one of them damned paradoxes.

eunice left for canada today. they needed to be at the airport by seven a.m. and she called me up at around six to say goodbye. i was only half-awake and mumbling farewell but i was crying and crying to her voice which already seemed distant. i put down the phone and started crying again, texted to say i missed her already, and went back to sleep.

i miss her already.