ooh, i got totally internet burned today. i added somebody from my carolina days as a friend on facebook (cleaning out some old stuff, i found a card, which reminded me of this particular person). i got an email confirmation saying we were friends ... but when i clicked the link, it said we weren't friends anymore.
total burn! super sad panda time.
Every once in a while, I'll go on a massive cleaning spree. Inevitably, the cleanup dredges up old Christmas cards, photos, and memories ... and the cleanup ends up taking a week longer than expected. My place is currently a mess of books, photos, and clothes strewn all over the place.
When I was younger, I didn't care too much for cards - I thought they were pretty hokey. But man, am I glad I kept them around. It's amazing how many people cared and supported me through my life: I had a massive guilt trip as I realized I let so many of these people go in my life. So many people keep sending me Christmas cards, when I fail to do so. Maybe I'll pre-empt them with Thanksgiving cards (and skip the Christmas cards) this year (we'll see how long this feeling lasts).
Anyways, I want to send out (into the Internet void) some positive karma for all my past friends who send me postcards, cards, and photos. They are truly cherished by an older me.
To be honest, I don't think I've ever had that ah-ha! moment when it comes to the internet. Although the past 6 years worth of entries are on this site, I just don't get that same feeling as I do with these mementos. That has to say something about the Internet.
damien told me to check out the new kanye single. holy kanye, it's amazing.
i'm not lovin' you, the way I wanted to
what I had to do, had to run from you
i'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
and that haunted me, all the way home
so ya never know, never never know
never know enough, 'till it's over love
'till we lose control, system overload
screamin' no no no, no no
i ain't lovin you, the way i wanted to
see I wanna move, but can't escape from you
so i keep it low, keep a secret code
so everybody else dont have to know
so keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
you keep ya love locked down, you lose
i'm not lovin you, the way i wanted to
i can't keep my cool, so i keep it true
i got something to lose, so i gotta move
i can't keep myself, and still keep you too
so i keep in mind, when i'm on my own
somewhere far from home, in the danger zone
how many times did it take 'till I finally got through
you lose, you lose
i ain't lovin you, the way i wanted to
see i had to go, see i had to go
no more wasting time, we can't wait for life
which is wasting time, where's the finish line
so keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
you keep ya love locked down, you lose
i'm not lovin you, the way i wanted to
i met no one new, i got no one new
no i said i'm through, but got love for you
but i'm not loving you, the way i wanted to
gotta keep it going, keep the loving going
keep it on a roll, only god knows
am i into you, baby i'm confused
you choose, you choose
i ain't lovin you, the way i wanted to
way i want to go, i dont need you
i been on this road, too many times before
i ain't lovin you, the way i wanted to
so keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down
keepin ya love locked down, you lose...
this song reminded me of a pretty bad situation back from CH ... long-time readers will be reminded of the "jack & jill" episodes - my whole situation with jill seems to be captured in this song. looking back, i was such an indecisive weakling. i should have just asked her straight-up, instead of dancing around the topic.
oh the things you learn. speaking of personal growth, i really feel like i've matured significantly since moving here. it's funny, cause i thought the absence of personal connections and relationships would really hamper that growth. i guess i found what i needed my job.
my mom said i should be careful and not care so much about my coworkers (she was surprised at what lengths i went to cover a couple coworkers) ... maybe my yearning to feel some sort of human connection has twisted things in some weird fashion and made me a more caring coworker. weird.
a lot of personal things (not work-related, for once!) have been running through my mind lately. for the most part, i think i made the right decisions in not pursuing social relationships over the past year and a half ... but i have to say that there does feel like a huge gaping hole in my life.
i have to say though, for the first time in a long time, i just feel a ton more positivity in my life. i know the next few months will be hell-ish (to say the least), but i'm feeling really good about it.
twitter isn't useless (as i originally thought). in fact, it's got quite a great purpose:
i started it off by tweeting:
the response from some of the office:
come on, you know you want to click the "play" button:
funny deki fact: the skins folder contains the skins: "Ace", "Base", and "Fiesta." I didn't even realize "Ace" and "Base" until G pointed it out.
edit: look at the power of my tabulas!
