I haven't written anything substantial for the longest time. Nor have I found the inspiration to create something on canvass. Perhaps my sudden loss of interest for creating things has something to do with my leaving in less than a month. I'd say the past weeks were quite a struggle for me. I feel it sucking the life out of me. Whenever I'd go to a store and find something pretty, I'd suddenly lose interest thinking it would be impractical to buy new things before leaving. Whenever I'd see an ad of a show or a production which I know I should have been part of, I shut it off in my mind. This self-imposed social isolation is probably the easiest response to alleviate the pain of leaving.

I prayed. I told God to please talk to me or at least tell me something uplifting. And right in the middle of my shallow slumber, I heard my own voice telling me to stop holding on to life as if I have full control over it. "Let life flow through you. Let life happen to you." I knew it didn't come from me. Although it did sound like mine, it did address myself, I knew those words came from a different mind much more powerful than mine and probably had a better vision of what was to come. I held on to those words so that I could remember it the following morning.

Last night, I got a call from one of the greatest teachers and mentors I've had in my life. It was Sir Pagsi. During Alay Kay Maria, I didn't have the opportunity to break the news  to him. However, I did make sure it would reach him when I talked to Mrs. Pagsi. Anyway, last night, he did tell me that he was just told that I was leaving. He suddenly had the urge to put on Sinta one last time, at least for me before I leave. It touched me deeply. Although I know very well that I am quite un-Sintaish right now. I've grown older and probably don't even look a bit like a fifteen year old anymore. I still agreed.

So I'm having my one last show at the end of the month. It's a bittersweet ending for me.