sqrewloose

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be?

Funny, the question that was floating in my mind some 4 years ago, still pops up, more often these days, as I am at the start of a bridge (derived from "We'll cross the bridge when we get there"), again.

What will I do with, what I believe is a God-given passion in science and research? Probably the only thing I can do slightly better than my other "trades" as I increasingly feel I am really just a Jack Janice of all trades, masteress of none. Do I pack and go home, to a place where I know will be more uncomfortable in terms of my profession? Or do I pursue even higher education that will equip me to be the researcher that I ought to be? But what about life? What about serving God- and swimming out to those who have yet to see and feel His love? What about mission? Will I be doing marketplace mission, or will I abandon all that I have to live among people living in literal poverty or even figurative poverty? But with the passion and interest which resides in me, will I set up a biomedical firm here in NZ, in Malaysia, or anywhere in the world? Will I work with giant pharmaceutical companies to churn out research results that will save the diseased world? 

But all that is in the light of work. What about love? What about being with someone you love? What if work (that may be God-ordained so to speak) requires you to forgo being with people you love and cherish. Will you make that call, and find yourself at the top, with no one to share it with? I used to think it's too cliched and a little silly to be thinking in those terms. Blame it on the I'm going to make it in the world mentality that has somewhat seeped into our modern culture.

What about being a woman in the society? Are we deviating from our original role as a caretaker, lovegiver of a family unit, should we pursue a work lifestyle that requires X hrs of your day? But did not the wife in Proverbs 31 make curtains and sewed linen and sold it in the market place? What is the curtain/linen equivalent for our modern day, God-fearing woman? Is it wrong to have dreams which may, in some people's views cause you to have less time for a family, and hence make you less of a mother/wife?

Will I be someone? WIll I make the mark, and be who people believe me to be? Will I be who I think I'll be? And more importantly, the question is, will I be the woman that God wants me to be- loving Him, serving Him, honoring Him in all that I do?

To be honest, I hate uncertainties- I hate grey areas. I love it when something is right or wrong. No middle ground please!

What will I be?

sqrewloose

One down. The exam. Advanced topics in Chemistry. It went ok.. not the best.. but... nevermind. One more to go, one final exam for my life... ever! I'm serious! Because if I pursue a Masters /pHd, I wouldn't have to sit anymore exams!

Went for comfort food with Shalen. Kaffe Eis, THE gelato store. But I tried the affogato this time, and mmm mmm .. it was ohsoyummy! The bunch of us have been regular customers at that store, I swear the workers there can recognise us! All in the name of "study break". It's great.

We scaled the tree again. Left all my worries on the groud, and reach the top of the magnificient circular christmas to see the city come to light, while the sun fades into the night. It was fun, all of us perched on the soft and flat branches at the top of the tree. Some rekindled their childhood memories of tree-climbing, while others like me, were glad it wasn't too late to start climbing trees! What a  great way of exercising faith- on those branches.

sqrewloose

It feels as if my whole brain/body is paralysed. It just doesn't want to study. I can almost hear my body fighting the urge to study. I can almost hear it cry out in resistance! But why? Why is it this hard? Why am I not willing, body soul and mind to study, to push harder, and work harder after all, the finishing line is less than a week away. I am sick of resisting work. I'm frustrated with fighting with myself- creating a war zone within my own mind. I want to break out of this. I want to get in gear, get into momentum. I dont want to sit there, freaking out because I don't know anything, yet not being able to feed my brain with the necessary. I need to do well in these exams.

sqrewloose

Whoopeedoo!! For once I'm glad that I procrastinated on buying any tickets for our travels in the

South Island when Mum comes. Managed to get cheap as flight from Wellington to Nelson for only $49!! How awesome is that. Initially we were going to take the ferry, which will cost $53 and will take 3 hrs, and might risk mum having motion sickness. But now, the flight's 35 mins, and it's cheap and no air sickness! Hopefully the Queenstown-Christchurch flight comes on AirNZ's Grabaseat promotions too!

There were flights to Sydney for only $199 too. That's pretty cheap and I was sooo tempted to buy a flight and run away to Gold Coast! Tempted being the word, and resist temptation was the successive phrase that chimed in my brain.

Aren't you amazed at how a simple blog entry can express so much about a person?

I dived into another person's, or rather two persons' world via their shared blog.

Very light-hearted, lots of pictures!

But ohcrap! I need to study now!!!

But before I get dragged away unwillingly by Conscience, I want to express my utter surprise that New Zealand does in fact celebrate Labour Day! Coming from Malaysia, where public holidays come almost as often as weekends (oh how I miss them!), spending the 1st of May at Uni/in class felt weird. Fine, I'm not a labourer as such, but still, if I have to sit in a lecture, it meant somebody had to lecture, and hence, my lecturer was working! And if my lecturer is a labourer, on the 1st of May, it just doesn't sit well with me! Ok, fine, I just wanted to reap the most out of it, and get more ~5 days of public holiday in a year!

So, coming back to the point: New Zealand's Labour Day is on 27 October! And I suspect the same applies for her bigbrother, Australia. Funny that NZ's just gotta be special, and celebrate it on a different day from the rest of the world.

*edit: I checked trusty-ol-Wiki. In fact, crazy Australians celebrate Labour Day on different days/months depending on which Territory/State you're in. And no reasons were given, as to why Kiwis celebrate it on a day that in no way associates with 1st of May. "In NZ, Labour Day is a public holiday held on the fourth Monday of October."

Father's Day is different here compared to the rest of the world too! And despite having been here for four years now, I still have the slight panic of ohnoIforgottosendmydadacard every year, only to be relieved when I remember that I have sent something a few months back. (Actually, I can't remember if I did this year- I'm sure Dad who reads this, will remind me) Anyways, it's normally the 1st Sunday of September here, in contrast to the 3rd Sunday of June.

But my point is, I have exams... Monday week, so I can't take tomorrow off. This labourer will be deprived of her much needed break. On the contrary- 1.5 weeks to the end of this crazy year is definitely something to look forward to! It's Guy Fawkes on 5 Nov as well, so I'll celebrate the end of Honours with a bang, lots of them actually!

After reading that blog, I miss my boy oh-so-dearly The distance does change things.. and I suspect, not for the better, sometimes. The phrase "out of sight, out of mind" does occassionally apply. The phone just rang, James answered from downstairs, then ran up the stairs. My heart was hopeful for a moment, only to be dashed when the knock was on Melody's door, not mine.

It's ok, I should study!

edit: Dan did ring a lil later! I'm grateful!