wow
POSTED AT 09:45 AM

sui_generis

hi! tagal ko na hindi nagblog, well, since i'm still waiting for my sis so that i can play dota, i'll type stuff muna.

Well, since i can't delete my blog, i'll just type something.

Well............

nothing to type..........

oh yeah, ian, loser! joke, hahahahahahaha

yey! they're back! bye!

Currently feeling: relaxed

Mysterious
POSTED AT 04:04 PM

sui_generis

It's been a while since i made an entry, well at last, i have made an entry.

My friends............

In case you failed to notice

In case you failed to see

These foolish games are tearing me apart

Lyrics from Jewel.

Hmmm........this applies a lot in our little group. I'm hoping to find the real and true friends that i belong to. I don't want to continue this plastic bonding and privacy.

Yet....................finding the true friends, takes a lot of time.......But i already have "perceptions". Yet........trust is continually shifting.....i have to find these true ones that won't shift......

I'm thankful for having friends like these

And I'm glad that i had past through a lot of fights and difuses, just to find those who are true.

I feel safe, cumfy, accepted, free, and most of all.............TRUE.

Currently listening to: Foolish games by Jewel
Currently reading: What should i read??? dami eh!
Currently watching: I don't watch
Currently feeling: relieved

Shattered
POSTED AT 12:42 PM

sui_generis

i don't know what i'm feeling right now. I some how feel twisted and distorted. Why? I have no idea but i hope to find the answer soon.

I feel the blowing up approaching- meaning, the breaking point wherein i will reveal all i have to say.

I'm actually hoping that this event comes - where i'll practically be..........totally distorted.......

Currently listening to: not in mood
Currently reading: not in mood
Currently watching: nothing
Currently feeling: pessimistic

Eventful........
POSTED AT 09:19 AM

sui_generis

Slaughter house = home/house

numeric excerpt = report card

Exclude = don't care

Cage = classroom

now let me start with the little morose story (^_^)

Wednesday, a day of judgment, a short one and painful one. This day wasn't like a gun shot in the head - it was a slow and painful experience that i have felt quite often. Time passed in a faster duration that i've expected. Lunch arrived and worries started to fork my mind.

Filipino, the last subject, it came........i worried and worried the whole subject. I knew worrying is a total waste of time but i couldn't help it - it ran in my blood (literally). After throwing away worries and glancing at nature, the wind blowing, the leaves swaying, the sky darkening, I felt relieved and peaceful, then the darkenig of the sky reminded me that it was dark for a reason - i knew the reason.  

Mrs. Ocampo, our English teacher interrupted my peaceful disposition when she came in with that rushing motion that she always does. She was carrying the numeric excerpts. She slowly distributed each excerpt to its owner - when i received mine, my mind had gone blank and my body moved itself.

As i slipped the frail and flexible cover and revealed the excerpt, my mind had respawned and worries governed. I was holding the piece of hard paper with both hands in the position of opening it. For a microsecond, my mind struggled if i should open it or not - i opened it. Numbers flashed before my eyes and my eyes were descending as if they were falling to the ground, then gravity stopped. My eyes were staring at a pair of inverted L's. I was stunned for a moment; my heart somehow moved, my ears shut and my mind igniting to blow up, but my soul went back. I was still staring at a pair of inverted L's and as soon as one of my classmates went near me, i shut the excerpt and shoved it back to its case.

i was thinking (I'm dead na) (yey! i'll be killed later!) (i have 5 hours to live-it was 2 going 3) (torture time) (Oh my God!!!) (damn that bulldog!) (i can't take this anymore!!) (dead) (and many more)

Yet, i remembered my self training wherein i taught myself to be strong and unaffected. I regained that feeling and i was rejuvenated. I discussed with Angelo- looked at his grades - envied - then shut up. Michael was kinda rushing to me- i wanted to know his grade. (cough cough, excuse me) to continue: I saw his grades - and i saw an inverted L but it has two O's beside it. The inverted L was one the left and the O's were on the right. I somehow felt pitiful at the same time relieved- why? well, pitiful kasi obvious naman! relieved because i can compare myself with him to lessen the torture i would receive.

i saw martin outsdie waiting for me- so i proceeded to him. He was happy that he didn't get any line of 7 - envied again. I ventured down stairs - parked my bag - and went back up. I was walking on the corridor with an uncontented expression. I met Alfonso. I gave him that cover up grin to block the bad feeling. Both of us wanted to know each other's grades. He told me to wait for him until he would show his grades to me.

He showed me his grades- i looked and without emotion, laid it back. We went out of the cage and were stalled by the prescence of Almario. nagparinig si Alfonso and i waited. After Alfonso parked his bag, we went about the school grounds. We talked about the grades we received, how parents eat their words, how much we wanted to die, our perceptions of the future, what our methods were, meditation, teachers, curriculum, etc. After having a long "walktalk", we saw Ian - Ian was morose like us. Three of us did "talkwalk" again- we went to gate 3- Ian went home. Me and Alfonso continued the "talkwalk" and met up with Raffy who was in the same state with us- only with less gravity. I was my driver and bid farewell to Alfonso.

As I was travelling home, I dicussed things with my driver - the same things like what me and Alfonso discussed- only less but more opinionated. As the gates opened, i stepped out of the vehicle and there it was, the slaughter house. Why the slaughter house? well, that's where i get tortured and where i turn into a thrall. I don't mean it as a very offensive term, it's just somewhat a summary of explanations.

Slaughter house = where i get tortured, i turn into a thrall, get most of my bad moods, get almost obsolete.

As i walked in and directed myself to the study room where my computer resided, i kept reminding me of the lesson i still am teaching myself, "exclusion" (term written above). I learn to exclude things that are not worth caring for, Ex: Repeated sermons- it's already embedded in my mind, no need to repeat!!!!, Slaps and other physical offenses- hit me all you want, it will hurt but it won't change my mind.

Now I type out what i have to say- writing is a weapon anyway (^_^).

I have a question, should i show my card today, tom or when???

please comment on anything written here (^_^) thank you

Currently listening to: Hearing a song, but not really feeling to type it here
Currently reading: I'm dormant na
Currently watching: you know na
Currently feeling: pessimistic

I can only wait for the ice to break
POSTED AT 10:49 AM

sui_generis

Okay.........parating na ang card...........

Like i said before- there will be a time that i wil blow up and set all my thoughts free(hindi pagiging siraulo).

If bad events keep accumilating..........then i will surely blow up! good thing is that it didn't stack up-my family is also starting to understand each other-especially the parents. No classes pa sa monday! yehey!-i've been playing DOTA for oh so long-i'm back to my normal state again!- i'm not martin anymore!(i've experienced the process- yet bartin's fault is........he broke. -it's different from blowing up. If you blow up- may area of effect while if you break, ikaw lang ang may topak (^_^)

Time has its roles and motives- bahala na siya- we can only disturb its process, not meaning stopping time but interfering with it (^_^). Time is neutral- just up to you. I'm still trying my best to be tolerant and prevent the "blowing up" to happen.

I musn't be weak- i musn't useless either. Good thing that i have learned to exclude things that need to be excluded (^_^)- it lessens the gravity- trust me, why don't you try it? (^_^) age sucks- but it helps..................

Currently listening to: My Humps by BEP- very funny hahaha
Currently reading: DOTA- can't read. getting addicted aaah!!!
Currently watching: you know
Currently feeling: recumbent

Power play.......what a turn off
POSTED AT 10:27 AM

sui_generis

okay, me, angelo and Alfonso went to power play. Here's how it goes.

I woke up- 11:30-we were supposed to be there by 1. Then Angelo called me and said na 2:00 na lang-i agreed. Then, i changed and dressed up- my mom saw me and asked "saan ka pupunta?". Then i said "with aya(big bro), genji" Then she said, anong gagawin mo dun, maiiwan ka- then she asked my brother. She then said "pupunta ka daw sa avalon, anong gagawin mo dun?"- i said "going to get my classmate"- "sino?"-"alfonso"-"then where will you go?"-"powerplay...."-"ikaw ha! sumosobra ka na! magmeemeeting ka na lang with your friends without telling me!( i was wrong). I didn't utter a word....-then she said "go up with me"(at this time, my brother was already shouting-calling out my name. Then my mom sermoned me a lot, yet i wanted to say the reason i didn't ask her which was- for the past few days before the day(powerplay day), she was always in a badmood and angry at me so i couldn't ask her kasi she'll just say "no!".(effect of badmood). She also doesn't know why i'm playing so much for the past few days-my reason? Parating na ang card! and she'd probably ban me from everything i like to do.........AGAIN! So i hid, hid and hid.

She told me to go to the resto at 4:00- then call her when i arrive at powerplay.

When we arrived there.......we saw Angelo- said hi and then approached him. We didn't see any free computers.I also saw a lot of xavierians which was one of the most.............."stunning" view. So Angelo, Alfonso and i waited for people to bring their asses out of the seats. After an HOUR! nakaalis ang isang friend ni Angelo- so Angelo took his place, kami na lang ni Solano ang naiwan. Solano and I wanted to go to netopia na lang kasi the place was to damn noisy anyway, but Angelo rebelled- so we stayed. After a lot of minutes, 2 guys got out! so me and Alfonso sat down- thank God! seats!. We played such a little game- and another game- then angelo was disconnected so he was out of the game he was playing- so now us 3 fought-one battle. I beat them up (yehey!). Then after that - alis.

the whole thing sucks, but at least we got a little fight....

I hate powerplay, it sucks. (^_^) and the drinks are vile! (^_^)
Na op kami- yyyyyyyyyyy................

Currently listening to: Safe by Bonnie Bailey
Currently reading: I stopped for a while- DOTA kasi eh....
Currently watching: you know na
Currently feeling: contemplative

A day with Alfonso....
POSTED AT 01:22 PM

sui_generis

Before any presumptions, let me explain. I thought it was gonna be annoying, but it was actually very fun! (^_^)

Me and Alfonso bid farewell to poor ian who needed to go to brother Haw.(well, i got annoyed with ian so i didn't care (^_^))-we got out and went in my car. We stopped by Alfonso's house because Alfonso needed to do something-i went along.

Alfonso gave me a tour of Avalon- then we went up through the elevator. Alfonso went into his abode and i waited outside the corridor. I thought it would be fast, but i was wrong..... Alfonso's mom wanted him to eat her home made Sio Mai so it took a very long while- kain kain pa tong alfonso na to. While i was in the corridor, it was very gloomy. There was this corner which had a very eerie atmosphere. It was scary, but i went to the corner anyway hahaha. Alfonso's maid gave me serum of tang. It was very concentrated and the last few drops were......robust..... As i waited for eons- finally Alfonso got out and we ventured down.

We went in the car- went  to powerplay hoping it wasn't fully populated. -but it was......yet, it didn't stop us (i was with my bro and his friend nga pala).We went to greenhills and played in netopia-it was just beside our restaurant. 1st, we had a free for all game- me and alfonso made a collaboration against my brother, but we failed because Alfonso here, didn't want to charge his gargoyles. Alfonso just kept making towers to defend himself and gargoyles. 2nd, we played against the computer in insane mode- we died. Then we played war chasers- it was nice (^_^), then it was my fault that alfonso died because he wanted to get away but i was blocking him(sorry). Then i was the last survivor, and eventually, i died.

We went to Promenade- then i recalled that alfonso left his bag, so we went back. After retrieving his bag, Alfonso showed me some wonders of shopsville. He showed me "zachary's sanctuary" and the super sulit magic card shop. After that, we found ourselves in promenade- i grew really hungry so i bought one creampuff from beard papa's(ang mahal! 55 pesos for one creampuff!)-then as i was eating, Alfonso was dragged to eat too so he wanted to buy gonuts donuts. I was still hungry after eating that creampuff so i bought gonuts donuts too! hahaha. My brother reported that our driver was about to arrive so we had to set up. Alfonso consumed all the donuts- i just consumed one half (^_^) hehe. Then, i wanted to go to the CR because the donuts were all sticky, yet when i went back in, the CR was actually supposed to be paid for! and i thought (ano ba yan! CR lang, kailangan pa bayaran!) then alfonso led me to another CR without payment- as we were hurrying to go down(kasi baka magalit na brother ko)itong alfonso na to- nagfully booked pa. Alfonso kept saying that fully booked sucks, then siya pa ang nagpatagal sa amin dun hahahaha (^o^). Nagpareserve pa tong alfonso ng book- which took a long time. Then we hurried down- got out(saw wakhin arroyo-how the hell do you spell his name?! - yuck!)- sermoned- went straight to microstation to pick up my computer.

As we were going there, i saw my classmate- yuck! i mean, he's okay, but i just don't like seeing any familiar faces aside from my friends. Then, i got my computer-went in the car- brought alfonso home.

The day was a blast despite all the stallings. I actually had fun with alfonso hahahaha (^_^). I liked the "stalling part" actually.....when things go wrong and everyone's hurrying-commotion. It was nice despite the sermons (^_^). It was also nice to walk with someone who can protect you stand- meaning, both agree with each other and support each other- example: pacool, when we saw wakhin(whatever spelling)- i made a barf sound effect, then alfonso said "barf"- something like an aliance. Alfonso also expresses himself without caring for the people. He's the same in school and anywhere- this was the best. I don't like those who have sudden shifts of character depending on the place- as long as you're around a friend, you can act freely!

(^_^)

Currently listening to: Answer by Sarah Mclachlan
Currently reading: Angels and Demons- sa wakas! tapos na yung pesteng QT!
Currently watching: I don't watch
Currently feeling: thankful