Warned Yeah!

a peep show on beauty

sundreams posted at 05:51 AM on January 13, 2007.

 

 

hyperreality by Jean Baudrillard

 

a revealing Ad Clip from Dove

//watchasay?

Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare

sundreams posted at 01:38 PM on September 6, 2006.

 

SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

* i got some of the lines of this sonnet from the season ender of One Tree Hill Season 3 i watched yesterday (im definitely buying that DVD compilation i saw in Harrison Plaza of the three seasons just for p450!!!). Again, OTH has managed to use the most fitting lines to complement the episode.

anyway, as i was hearing the lines of this poem, i kudn't help but think of the closest proof to it in my life.

CLA Valencia and NIKKI Castro

i don't know anyone else that would have the same intensity of love that they have. even if nikki already passed away, their love is something that inspires the even cynical me to believe. its hard to explain, its something one has just to witness, something i am very lucky to have experienced

have your rest nikki, you deserve every of peace and moment you certainly have now with God....

//watchasay?

even my comedy nowadays has to be dark....

sundreams posted at 10:02 PM on September 3, 2006.

Currently feeling: sick

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How to be Dead and How it Ends

sundreams posted at 11:06 AM on September 3, 2006.

*i won't go to the details right now but lets just say im at the brink of insanity and my suicidal tendecy are here again, good thing i have better support system this time (tnx so much to SHTEFIE AND IZZA for letting me know i can break down and still have friends who care!). my KaIpod who's suppose to prevent my nerves to get to this point has gone wacko. suddenly it had some security code i didn't know how to open, then i had to restart the settings... then i just couldn't recognize my KaIpod anymore... buhuhu...

anyway, i don't think i'll be killing myself anytime soon so i have to work on ALOT (ie Ph1o1 stupid plato paper!) of stuff now...

here's a song (from the soundtrack of one of my favorite movies Wicker Park!) and another i got from BenBen's multiply sumtym back, both will at least let me feel dat i've actually gone over the edge... and i'm definitely buying Snow Patrol's CD!!!

How To Be Dead

by Snow Patrol 

 Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

 

How it Ends

by Devotchka 

  Hold your grandmother's Bible to your breast.
Gonna put it to the test.
You want it to be blessed.
And in your heart,
You know it to be true,
You know what you gotta do.
They all depend on you.
And you already know.
Yeah, you already know how this will end.

There is no escape,
From the slave-catchers' songs.
For all of the loved ones gone.
Forever's not so long.
And in your soul,
They poked a million holes.
But you never lettem show.
C'mon it's time to go.

And
You
Already know.
Yeah, you already know
How this will end.

Now you've seen his face.
And you know that there's a place,
In the sun,
For all that you've done,
For you and your children.
No longer shall you need.
You always wanted to believe,
Just ask and you'll receive,
Beyond your wildest dreams.

And
You
Already know.
Yeah, you already know
How this will end.

You already know (You already know)
You already know (you already know)
You already love will end.

//watchasay?

a painful standstill

sundreams posted at 11:19 AM on August 31, 2006.

---

 

---

---

 

i hold a gun to my head

frustrated to tears

that i can't pull the trigger

 

---

---

 

Currently feeling: lethargic

//watchasay?

dumbstruck wasteland

sundreams posted at 11:13 AM on August 31, 2006.

i fear

i am in a dessert,

greatly scarce of water.

i squeeze my arms and legs

neither sweat to cool my skin

nor blood to run through my limbs.

dark shadows surround my eyes

a blank stare to oblivion

never really going farther than scatterbrain

my ears are numb

every word and sound slurred

to a bland ryhtmic drumming

without sense, none the least aesthetic.

a canvass of white sand

stares listlessly back to me.

promising in its optimism, daunting in execution.

i press my head

i rip my hair

i cry

hoping that at least

a hair or a tear may fill

this flat thirsty abyss

the sun is screaming.

its pinpricks, fingers of frying pressure,

hold me by the shoulder,

an incapacitated waste

under the frown of time,

who howlers, "nothing to me!"

yet i continue my search for water

desperate to find some in me

but having nothing to begin with

is really what

i fear.

*aaaah after such a long tym of silence....

Currently feeling: sick

//watchasay?

CURSED!

sundreams posted at 10:38 AM on July 20, 2006.

there's this old african curse that innocently says

"may you get what you want,

and want what you get."

yes, it not that unfamiliar. only some even know its an actual curse.

at first look, how could it be one?

the first line obviously wishes well because it implies that you become successful in whatever endeavor you may have.

but that's the thing with most two lined poetry, the first line always states something neutral, something everyone who hear's it would normally agree.

it makes you still want to continue with the next one.

the second line is where the mystery begins. but it doesn't really sound like a curse, which normally has that angst and profanity towards the object referred.

in the form of other poetry, this one plays with the words want and get. by interchanging their position from the first line, it makes the reader discern the implications of meaning this transformation would have.

of course you would want what you get, that's why you got it nga d ba?

or do you?

it being a curse clearly implies something else...

---

 

right now, i should be happy.

while reading The Republic by Plato for Fr David's class, i realized how comparable my status right now to what he calls as the proper training the guardians of the cirty (of the just) should have.

essentially, the guardians SHOULD be well rounded.

Studious and smart.

Athletic and healthy.

Lover of the Arts.

Compassionate but Spirited.

modesty aside and fully considering the obvious deviations, i think i have most of those characteristics in my life right now.

therefore (as linear logic would have it)

should be happy.

at least content.

---

 

everyday,

i got to school

fill in everybreak for studying for the next

maybe catch on sleep sometimes, if i lost much the night before.

around 330-430 i go to moro and train for track.

workout may vary but we still usually end past 6pm.

i go home. eat. sleep (unless TV tuesdays). then study for next day's classes. sleep some more. then go to school.

then the cycles turns again.

consistent. diligent. Plato could be so  proud of me.

then again, i agree completely with Nietzche when he said,

"Plato is boring."

and reading the Republic doesn't convince u much otherwise.

---

 

Vertigo must be causing this.

that's probably why im not happy or content.

i return to my goddess lit prof. ma'am Rica Bolipata-Santos

"vertigo is not the fear of falling,

it's the fear of knowing you want to fall."

i think i do

its like seeing a very ornate and delicate stained glass work of art

and feeling the urge to smash it.

that this artifact,

only unnatural because of its divine semblance,

is still at the mercy of my hand and whatever weapon it may be carrying.

the divine at the mercy of my mortal hands.

smashing it just because i can.

and feel the usually fleeting power of my mortality!

what else could emulate the divine feeling than being high enough to know you can fall.

but at the same time,

you know this height is a privilege; therefore, finding the appropriate only in bowing, the inevitable surrender of any mortal.

then you fear.

the fear of the internal admission that divinity is a lost cause

and we can only be human, essentially imperfect.

never or will be divine.

that's vertigo.

---

 

with the same words,

"may you get what you want,

and want what you get.",

i am cursed.

//watchasay?

here in Rizal Lib, moments before track training.

sundreams posted at 03:07 PM on June 21, 2006.

//watchasay?

then, the second day...

sundreams posted at 12:31 AM on June 21, 2006.

 

TIME	MONDAY	TUESDAY	WEDNESDAY	THURSDAY	FRIDAY
07:30
		HI165-R BEL 310 SANTOS		HI165-R BEL 310 SANTOS
08:00
08:30
09:00
		PH101-C CTC 102 DAVID		PH101-C CTC 102 DAVID
09:30
10:00
10:30
	TH131-J SEC A 112 INCHODY		TH131-J SEC A 112 INCHODY		TH131-J SEC A 112 INCHODY
11:00
11:30
	SA102-A B 309 LIM		SA102- A B 309 LIM		SA102-A B 309 LIM
12:00
		SA103–A SS 284 ABAD		SA103–A SS 284 ABAD
12:30
01:00
01:30
			POS100–V COM B PANLILIO		POS100-V COM B PANLILIO
02:00
02:30
03:00
03:30
04:00
04:30

 

 

THERE.

i finally finalized my academic schedule for this semester.

im somehow satisfied with it.

 

awhile ago, i went to my first Philo class. as you can see, my prof is fr. David. Brilliant lecture, considering it was just the introduction to the course. the odd thing is, regardless of the expertise he clearly showed in class, a single phrase stuck to my head afterwards.its just the most peculiar thing he said, the way he said it as if it were the most common thing to say...

 

"Stranger Babies"

 

yeah, that's what he said.

now it's firmly imprinted in my head.

(wow! those two last lines actually rhyme!)

 

 

at around 1pm awhile ago, i felt like a freshie again! i couldn't find my SA103 class. it was one of my successful transfer to ease my originally confusing schedule. i thought it was at 130pm, which gave me ample time to be indolent after my class before that, which ended at 1030am. after finding sense to where exactly the class was going to be, i confidently went to the location. when i got there, they were starting some psychology class. hmm... what happened to sir abad? then i looked at the schedule, which was posted on the wall near one of the doors, of classes in that room. GAD! my class was from 12nn to 130pm. OMG! i missed the first day, and to think the prof was even nice enough to transfer me to that earlier class!!! guilt, regret and everything else swept me afterwards...

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY LAST CLASS FOR THE DAY!!!

just to be the good student that i should be. i next planned on catching the same class which came at 430pm (THE SAME CLASS I WAS ESCAPING FROM!!!). i had no choice so i waited... when i got to the class, the first thing i did was come up to Sir Abad to try to explain my "misinformation". i waited for a reply which i expected to be reprimanding, considering the state of my stupidity (i didn't even buy my own explanation!).

 

me: "sir, i was the one who wanted to be transfered to the earlier class but i was misinformed of what the actual schedule for that class was. i thought it started at 130pm."

 

sir abad: "misinformed?"

 

by this time i was expecting sum condescending remark, which i would have gladly taken...

 

sir abad:

"i was too.

i thought it was at 130pm too until i was already going to the class and some student inquired why i wasn't in the earlier class." 

 

me: "so you weren't in class awhile ago?"

 

by this time, i got confused. i never heard a teacher missing a first class because he himself didn't know the sched.

 

sir abad:

"yeah."

 

 

from there, i felt like THE LUCKIEST MAN THERE.

fuck, that was just coooool.

 

ps: i really need to go buy some school supplies... 

Currently feeling: sleepy

//watchasay?