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• Anthropologie: Gramercy Blazer (Size 6) - $148.00
  

I Will Reach For You I Will Reach My Hand »

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Posted by valentin at 02:31 AM on January 23, 2008.

Hong Kong. Paris. London. Budapest. So many cities, so many choices! However, the more I talk about my travel plans with my friend who is also going abroad, the more incredibly excited I get. Perhaps I should begin drawing up a packing list. This will perhaps allow me to better focus my energies and help me figure out my best options, in terms of any number of things. (As well as prepare me in advance for what I absolutely must bring with me, so that the little but highly important details don't get lost in the pressures of packing. For example, no one thinks about nail clippers or tweezers when packing, but these two items are absolutely essential to my life.)


I'm thinking about getting speakers for my iPod. Lately, I've been getting back into classical music (time to pick up my piano music again, it appears), and I thought that listening to classical music would at least help me to concentrate better when I'm studying. (Listening to songs with words, i.e. those songs that are sung by singers, distracts me, as usually I want to start singing or dancing along, depending on the beat and how well I know the song.) However, I've been realizing that in fact even classical music is somewhat distracting, though not as much as sung songs. Still, when I have my earphones plugged into my ears, it takes a while for me to adjust my concentration so that I can shut out the music, to an extent. However! Yesterday, while I was studying in my friend's room, he was playing classical music softly over his speakers, and amazingly, it did not distract me from my work. If anything, it was very soothing and helped me to concentrate better than I would have been if I had instead been immersed in total silence (which, I'm coming to find, is just as distracting as music is in some ways). This has led me to think that perhaps the problem with classical music is that it needs to be playing in the background rather than in my ears for it to work its "magic." (I still firmly believe that sung songs are no good for studying in either form of play, for me at least.) So, I went to Apple Store and browsed some of their speaker options. I'm particularly enamored of the portable iHome speakers with the built-in alarm clock. However, it costs $100 ... The cost, obviously, is the major barrier here, as with anything else. Still, I may want to have the system with me as I take my worldwide hike come next year. Although I'd probably also be terrified half the time of getting my speakers stolen. (Along with my laptop, my external hard drive, my digital camera, and anything else that I can't and don't want to always be carrying on my person.)


I also really want to get a pair of Burberry earmuffs. Yes, they cost $135, but I'm finding that I just can't live without earmuffs anymore in this frigid weather, plus surprisingly there's not a plethora of earmuffs out there from which to choose. Style-wise, only a few make the cut, and as we all know, I'm even more stringent in my fashion requirements, and the Burberry ones are the only ones that remotely fit my standards. Still, the one pattern that I liked has been discontinued or sold out - whatever the reason, it's not available for sale anymore, which is a real bummer. The reason I liked this pattern so much and wanted to get it specifically so badly was because it exactly matched the pattern of my overcoat. On a slightly tangetial note, amusingly enough, it took me the longest time to realize that my overcoat was probably (i.e. meaning with extremely high probability) a rip-off of a Burberry overcoat, pattern-wise anyway. My aunt bought it in China, and while the tag doesn't purport to be Burberry (it's got the name of some other exotic, mysterious Asian company instead, go figure), still the pattern (a dark grey plaid) fits the bill for a Burberry pattern. Sometimes, I feel conspicuous walking around in this overcoat of mine, because I feel rather flashy in it. I guess one doesn't normally see a person walking around in an overcoat patterned from head to toe in the distinct plaid of Burberry. But anyway, it would've been neat to purchase a pair of earmuffs patterned exactly the same as my coat is. While I could easily purchase another pattern (the Burberry website offers quite an array of patterns for their earmuffs), I don't want the new pattern to clash with the pattern of my coat, which would be an event that could occur all too easily. Additionally, I don't want the pattern of my earmuffs to be too light-colored, because I'm always paranoid about their easily getting dirtied and stained, which limits my choices to just a few dark-colored earmuffs. However, since my coat is naturally a dark grey ... Well, you see where I'm going with this. Unfortunately, it seems too much to hope that that particular pattern will make a reappearance. I wish I at least knew what the name of the pattern was ... That'd be helpful.


I bought a very stylish black tote from Target for very cheap. Of course, given how cheap it is, I wonder how long it'll take before it falls apart. But in the meantime, I will enjoy my good find. Like I said, it's very stylish and professional-looking, not to mention it's quite big (huge, really), so it should adequately fit most or all of my books, binders, and whatnot. I'm also seriously debating getting a notebook backpack that will be big enough for me to tote my entire life around in. Not literally, of course, but close enough. Targus seems like a good brand, and Amazon offers Targus notebook backpacks for distinctly reduced prices. This also comes out of consideration for next year, when I take my next big leap forward and plunge headfirst into dizzying cauldrons of cultural wealth and identity. Specifically speaking, my friend extended an invitation to me to travel around Europe with him and his girlfriend, which, needless to say, is an extremely tempting offer. And of course, just for the necessities of going to class and whatnot, I would like to have a backpack that is gigantic enough to take whatever I might think of throwing in there, even if it is not specifically built for hiking around Europe with. At least I'll know that I have my precious laptop safe on my back.


If I do end up getting a (Targus) backpack, I am considering letting my sister use my Vera Bradley Java Blue messenger bag. I love my messenger bag, of course, but I know that my sister covets it as well, and she could probably put it to more use than I currently do. Furthermore, just between you and me, it doesn't hold nearly as much stuff as I want it to hold, not to mention I suspect messenger bags aren't very good for your back, especially not when it's weighed down with a heavy laptop, among other equally heavy and important things. Plus, I have scoliosis ... So I really shouldn't be exacerbating my back problems anymore with asymmetrical weight distribution. I already have enough trouble taking tests as it is, because for some mysterious (literally) reason, if I'm bent for too long over something, for example a test or a book, I will start to feel a sharp pain in my right shoulder blade. Yes, I've already seen a doctor about this, but he couldn't diagnose the problem. Stupid, useless doctor. I paid precious money just to be told that it "wasn't a problem" (literally his words). If there wasn't a problem, then why the heck is this pain so persistent and so consistent? Am I supposed to live with this mysterious source of pain for the rest of my life just because he doesn't know what the heck is wrong with my back (or shoulder blade or whatever else it could be, as the case may be)? Doctors, sadly, are not the know-it-alls that we desperately wish they were. It seems that a distinct number of doctors, when they don't know the reason for some mysterious ailment, will brush the problem off and tell you that "it's nothing." Is that helpful advice at all, I ask you? (Don't even bother answering; I won't accept any other answer besides "no.")


Ju gave me a pair of ballet flats. She didn't like the pattern, but I personally don't find any fault with the design. They're black and white, with a black tip, and a pattern of black circles on a white background. I was going to refuse, since I have a policy of not wearing shoes that have no arch support whatsoever, but if someone's offering you a nice pair of shoes for free, then really, what's the problem with accepting the gift? We're lucky that we have the same shoe size. In fact, we're practically the same size in just about everything else, but we don't share many clothes (yet), probably because as of right now, I'm still somewhat uncomfortable with lending my clothes to other people to wear, even if that person is as close to me as Ju is. Probably because there just seems something strange to me about wearing clothes that you know have rubbed against someone else's skin. Well, in any case, I don't have any spare clothes to share with people anyway.


I may need to get a new pair of slippers relatively soon. I got a new pair recently, but since they're cheaply made, it probably won't be long before they fall apart or they lose their comfort or heat-trapping abilities. In which case, I may seriously consider plopping down a good $85 for a pair of quality UGG slippers. I know, I know, I'm a turncoat. I have succumbed to the monopoly of UGG. It's really not my fault, though; few slipper manufacturers make slippers in actual specific sizes (e.g. 5, 6, 7, ...), and it seems to me that slippers tend to be treated lightly, i.e. as objects of questionable endurance and wear, so manufacturers don't usually put much thought or technology (or design) into the making of slippers. Pity, really, since when I purchase things, I like to maximize the likelihood that they will last to a ripe old age. Really, I'm not actually a turncoat. In fact, I don't like the majority of UGG boots. I do have to give them credit for the stylish slipper design, though.


In all of my past purchases, I would have to say that there've been quite a few things which I regret having bought and which I wish I could return. In fact, I might even guess that I regret up to 90% of my purchases, in retrospect. (Like they say, hindsight is forever 100% perfect.) However, there've been some things which I've never once thought, "Gee, maybe I shouldn't have bought that." These rare exceptions would include my two XOXO coats, one in black and the other in white. I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful ever since. I am delighted to have bought them.


Lately, I've been obssessed with checking out costumes. This is probably linked to the fact that we're having a Great Gatsby-themed party in the spring, and I want to have a drop-dead gorgeous "costume" (as you can guess, I will be a flapper). In the midst of searching for flapper costumes, though, I stumbled upon a plethora of (sexy) costumes for quite a number of other themes, and now it's hard to tear myself away or to keep myself from wanting to buy a significant number of them. Best of all, even though these are quality, detailed costumes (from what I can tell of the online pictures), they're relatively cheap for costumes, especially for costumes of their caliber. I've always been a fan of costume parties, but since I never had an outstanding costume (I think my perennial get-up has been that of a witch - nothing particularly fascinating there, sadly), I've never been able to enjoy myself to the hilt. Well, now I have finally have the chance to put that bleak history behind me and to, from here on out, wow all the disbelievers out there. (Okay, that's somewhat extreme, but you get the point.) I also really, really, really wish I could attending a masquerade ball. I happened to stumble upon this website selling the most amazing masquerade masks, and I was absolutely taken aback - they were absolutely dropdead gorgeous! I wanted one so badly, but obviously, such things don't come cheap, and I think they are all handmade. Go figure.

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Posted by valentin at 08:37 PM on January 14, 2008.

I'm going crazy. Nightmares are starting to catch hold of me. And the timing of it all couldn't be any better (said sarcastically, by the way). Last night, I woke up to find myself whimpering (I'm generally a light sleeper, so I guess the noise caused by me acting out in my sleep woke me up). Of course, I remember that in my dream (nightmare, really) I'd been crying in anguish. I guess sleep paralysis turned my wails into mere moans of agony, which is fortunate; I would've been embarrassed to have accidentally awaken JU and MA up. What's more disturbing, though, is that for the longest time, I thought my dream was real, perfectly real. Most of the time, when I dream, I know instantly that I'm dreaming, so I just sit back and watch what my brain has to unfold for me. But this time, I really was caught in the grip of my dream, to the point that it wasn't until nearly the end that I realized, "Hey, this isn't actually my life. (And thank God for that a trillion times over ...)"


So, what exactly was I dreaming about? I dreamt that my mom had taken up smoking, and obviously enough I was trying my absolute darndest to get her to quick ASAP. But she was having none of it. Or rather, she'd promise to quit and then I'd catch her lighting up in secret. Oh, God, I can still feel the acute pain and emotional distress left over from that nightmare. And this is actually the second time that I've had this dream. Now, I don't for a second think that my mom has actually become a chain-smoker in secret. But I wonder if my dream might in fact reflect my subconscious contempt for or fear for what I (subconsciously) perceive as weakness on her part in this whole mess of an affair. Right, I'm not a psychologist, who really understands the human psyche?


At least I haven't dreamt of my mom throwing herself off the Empire State Building. Not yet, anyway ... We'll all know when that happens because I'll probably bring the police down on me with my twilight screams and shouts for help.


Moral of this story? I hate him and boy do I wish this once that I could blow his brains to smithereens without fear for the legal consequences of my actions. Right, back to studying ...

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Posted by valentin at 03:45 PM on December 12, 2007.

I currently am possessed of atrocious sleeping habits that involve going to bed very, very late, and waking up just in the nick of time to spare myself the minimum amount of time needed to get to class. I really need to fix this problem soon. However, this post is not meant to lament the unbecoming state of my sleep schedule as of right now. Instead, I just wanted to consider something that JU mentioned as I was running out the door one day. She commented that she was very impressed that I could literally leap out of bed, into my clothes, and out the door in under 5 minutes, and still look quite clean, professional, and well-cut. I was slightly taken aback by this comment, as usually I feel quite frumpy at the moment of crossing the door's threshold, so most of the time I likewise assume that I look equally frumpy (to how I feel, that is). Thus, it's comforting to be told that, no, I don't look quite as bad as I feel. JU also mentioned how this might be due to the fact that the overwhelming majority of the clothes that I own are clean-cut - in fact, so "clean-cut" to the point that one might even term them "simple." Now, this is a habit that I have been consciously grooming for some time now. On the other hand, I would also like to break out of this "rut" for a bit. There is a girl in one of my classes who I am absolutely envious of because she always dresses like a dream. It's hard to describe the clothes that she wears. Suffice to say that she looks like a Barbie doll, with as big of a wardrobe as the iconic doll, I would be willing to bet, and it's rare to ever see her wear the same outfit, on the days that I have class with her. She's Chinese, so I have a hunch that she may source many of her clothes from China. (That would also explain the seemingly endless wardrobe; being able to never wear the same clothes twice is well-nigh impossible here in the U.S., unless you happen to have a mega-watt billionaire uncle.) Even her haircut is distinct, and it's definitely not the type of haircut that one would expect to find in a crowd of "average" people. I don't think I could ever try it, or pull it off for that matter, but I think it works for her face, which is rather small, pale, and delicate-looking. Back to her clothes - like I said, I can't really describe them, but they're always intricate, with some sort of intricate detailing here or there or all-over in fact, as well as with a bit of "edge", yet in their own way, "cute" (I did say I didn't know how to describe her outfits). I wish I actually knew her name (sadly, I don't - and I haven't been able to Facebook her, and yes, I am a stalker, because I actually tried). In fact, I wish I dared go up to her and ask her straight to her face where she buys her clothing. Also, I wish I could emulate a tenth or even a hundredth of her style. I don't know how she always manages to look so good and well-put-together. She makes layering look easy, yet I know if I were her, and I had her wardrobe, I don't know that I would ever think to layer clothes in the "creative" ways that she does.


And this unknown girl whose praises I have been singing for the last paragraph has inspired me to break out of my shell. I don't always want to be put into the same fashion box as I likely am, even though it's not a "bad" one to be in. I just wish I had her strength or her daring to dabble a bit more with fashion. (On the other hand, I also wonder how much of it is due to the fact that Chinese clothing and American clothing are worlds apart in terms of - many things. Color, texture, shape, everything. Chinese clothing tends to be more complicated and colorful - some might even say gaudy and tacky, a claim that I readily acknowledge when applied to many artifacts of Chinese clothing in today's modern Chinese society.) One thing, though: I am not getting her haircut. Ever.


I wish I could never grow old. I don't fear death, as I feel that it's all our duty to die sooner or later, but there are things that the young can claim which the old can't. For one, young people have the luxury of thinking of complicated affairs in simple terms - white or black, good or bad, right or wrong - without having to be bound down by other "lesser" issues. For example, I know that if my husband (or any other type of significant other, whether it be boyfriend or fiance or whatever else), I would leave him right then and there. For me, love cannot exist in a relationship in which there is no trust, and once you violate that trust, it's gone forever. Betrayal is the thing that I hate and fear the most in relationships. Honestly, I wonder all the time: Why must people have affairs? Why can't they first divorce or leave or separate from their respective significant others before running off to wreak havoc on their own terms? Why rope so many undeserving innocents into your sordid acts? I don't understand adulterers, and I don't think that I can ever understand them. Someone strike me down if I ever do - by then, I may have become a person of whom the me now would not like at all.

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Posted by valentin at 03:04 AM on December 7, 2007.

You know how sometimes someone says something, and even though it might have been an offhand remark that he or she didn't place much emphasis or importance on, that one phrase or sentence sticks with you for a long time afterwards? Yeah, well, that happens to me all the time ...


My cashmere scarf and my leather (cashmere-lined) gloves arrived today. I am so elated. My winter coat had started rubbing a rush on my chest, and the freezing cold was also turning my hands into ice blocks, when they weren't stuffed deep down in my pockets. Thus, when my gloves and my scarf finally arrived, I could've jumped for joy. Really, one day when I am super rich, all my clothing will be made of cashmere. Okay, not really, because cashmere is too delicate of a material for many types of clothing. All the same, I really like the feel of cashmere on my skin; wool rubs me raw after a (short) while. Fur, I generally don't wear because I don't believe in slaughtering exotic animals for their skins (e.g. minks), not to mention I don't like the image of people wearing outerwear made from fur. (They seriously look like humanoid overgrown fur animals, or people masquerading as animals.) On the other hand, I don't harbor the same compunctions about wearing leather or suede, because I believe that both types of skin have their uses, especially footwear-wise. (Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore my new boots? See below for more.) On the other hand, I generally am against (just personally, not for other people) wearing clothing made of leather or suede, because they never really lose their scent ... And I for one am no fan of the smell of leather.


It seems I have become much more lenient over the past about what sort of textiles I'll wear. If you'd asked me several years before if I would wear leather or suede, I might have vehemently said, "No." (But then again, I can't really be sure, since I don't remember exactly; I don't think I ever had an opportunity to wear leather or suede when I was younger, so this is all just hypothesis.) Similarly, I seem to recall being strongly opposed to all types of furs, not just exotic furs. But now, I make exceptions for, say, rabbit fur, if it's produced from common rabbits that are specifically raised for the production of clothing. On the other hand, I'm still adamantly against trapping rare and exotic (and endangered) animals for their furs - and not just furs, but also reptilian skins and the like. Actually, on the topic of reptilian skins, I really do not understand designers' fascination with reptilian skins. Personally, the sight of a crocodile or snake skin bag or pumps positively grosses me out. (Fortunately, I do not think I have ever seen someone wear reptilian skin clothing. That'd be much worse. It'd be like seeing a crocodile or snake all over again - only, it'd be human and big.)


On the topic of my new pair of boots: These actually aren't the two pair of boots (well, one pair aren't "actually" "boots" - they're ankle boots, whereas when I think of boots, I usually think of them being at least mid-calf-high; as you can tell, I still haven't completely wrapped my mind around the idea of wearing ankle boots, and I remember when they first started being popular, I thought they were horrendously ugly) from Payless, although I like those a lot, too. Rather, this pair cost me quite a pretty penny, but I'd have to say that it was definitely worth every single dollar, and more. This is definitely the widest pair of shoes that I have ever owned in my entire life, and so they don't pinch in the forefoot area (which many "wide" shoes still do to me, to some extent). They're so roomy, in fact, that I at first thought about exchanging them for a slightly narrower size (I bought them as 'WW', and I was considering exchanging them for a regular old 'W' - and 'W' stands for wide, for the unknowing), because I thought they were too big for me. And they could be, but I don't think so, now, and in any case, after I walked around in them for a bit, I instantly decided to keep them. They're not so big that my feet slip and slide in them, but they are roomy enough that my feet feel infinitely happy in them. Plus, the foot bed is extremely well-padded, so it's really like walking on twin pillows. Oh, and they have a reasonable heel height to them, so my flat arch is supported without being overly-strained or exhausted. Finally, and not to be least, my winter boots (I specifically bought these for winter use, and I figured that if not now, then no other time would quite be the best for breaking out these boots, in consideration of the first snowfall and all that) are extremely stylish. You have no idea how long I've been searching for the perfect pair of boots. I've literally been spending a year searching for a pair of stylish, comfortable, wide, heeled pair of boots. Well, now I finally have them, and I hope that the brand never stops making them, or I will be sad. (Of course, one solution to that problem could be that I order a whole bunch of pairs in advance, but as much as I adore these boots, I'm not sure I like the idea of preemptively ordering multiple $100+ pairs of boots. I'll just have to hope that the design never gets discontinued, or that this particular pair lasts me a long, long time, or at least until the next perfect pair comes along.)


I'm still debating the idea of getting earmuffs (and possibly a hat, but that idea has now been shoved onto the back-burner, because I really don't like the actual reality of wearing hats with brims, yet the only designs of hats that I marginally like all have brims), but the only pair of earmuffs that I've found that I rather like are from Burberry, in one of their signature plaid patterns. Personally, I really don't like to wear clothing that advertises a brand. Even if it's expensive clothing, I still find it distasteful to be flaunting the brand's high-priced name by plastering said garment in the brand's logo, name, or whatever. (There have been one or two exceptions in the past to this "rule" of mine, but in general, this is how I feel about wearing logos, symbols, and the like.) Actually, my favorite pair of earmuffs were Uggs, but the jacquard pattern consisted of the Ugg name printed all over. And then the earmuffs were sold out before I'd made up my mind as to whether I was willing to sacrifice this guideline of mine for a pair of toasty, comfortable earmuffs. Don't you love it when earth-shattering or life-altering decisions are taken out of your hands?

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Posted by valentin at 02:56 AM on December 3, 2007.

Everyone can now breathe a sigh of relief. The Chavez referendum down in Venezuela was vetoed by the populace, 51% to 49%. Somehow or other, I got really into the Venezuelan referendum this time, probably because like many other people, I thought that this was just a veiled attempt by Chavez at clearing the road towards some sort of dictatorship. There are rights that are never worth giving up, even in the name of "expediency". I was really proud of the Venezuelans who protested the referendum; it makes me unbelievably happy to observe all the activism on Venezuela's universities' campuses. And I'm also pleased to see that, why, yes, Venezuelans do know how to say "no" to a vulgar firebrand like Chavez. As Spain's king told Chavez, he really needs to "shut up".


Winter is really getting to me. I have rough patches of skin on my face. Usually, my skin is relatively smooth (though it could do with some better exfoliation), but for some reason or other, lately I've been developing red, rough areas of skin around my cheeks. Also, I usually don't get pimples, but I'm experiencing a more frequent occurrence of them lately, especially around my chin. Fortunately, they usually go away after a day or so, and they're only pink, not red, so they don't stand out. Still, they're kind of uncomfortable to have around, because I just want to rub at it all the time - which is a bad thing to do, since your hands are some of the dirtiest (perhaps the dirtiest) parts of your body.


Once, when I went to get my hair cut at an upscale salon, my stylist told me that I have lovely eyes. No joke. At the time, I didn't believe him; I thought he was just trying to soften me up, so that I would tip him more later. (I didn't - because my haircut turned out absolutely horrendous. But moving on.) However, I've since started wearing mascara daily - and while I still don't believe that stylist, I must admit, mascara is amazing at making your eyes "pop" in subtle ways. Now, I feel almost incomplete or inadequate if I don't at least have mascara on my lower lashes. Anyway, mascara has made me come to appreciate my eyes more. I'd never thought of them as my best or one of my best features (I'd choose my hair, or lips, for that), but mascara does wonders and magic.

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Posted by valentin at 04:48 PM on December 2, 2007.

Amazing, what one single incident can do that years and years of nagging couldn't. In a completely shocking turn of events, I am seriously considering law school. This represents a serious 180 degrees for me; for years, I swore that I would never become a lawyer, in spite of the fact that my mom wanted desperately for me to study law. However, I wasn't interested; also, I was lucky to find out early that being lawyer is mostly spent writing briefs, rather than arguing cases before a judge. And I'm not exactly the best of writers. (Nor am I the most eloquent of people - but that's not the strongest prerequisite for being a good lawyer, or even close. Actually, it really annoys me when people think they'll make fantastic lawyers just because they think that they're awesomely eloquent. For one, they're being immodest, in thinking that they are possessed of a "silver tongue," and second of all, it just reveals their utter ignorance and stupidity. One doesn't learn how to become a lawyer by watching television series about lawyers yelling and screaming in court all day - because seriously, what director or producer is going to film actors writing briefs all day instead? But yeah, I just had to get that little pet peeve off my chest.) Anyway, I've found recently that the law is extremely unfair (well, I think it's unjust; probably some other people would disagree with me, or they would argue that the law should first be expedient and less about "morality" and "principles"), so maybe going to law school will help me find out all those delicious loopholes which I can pull and manipulate. Or I could just use the schooling to learn how to protect myself, and the ones I love.


At this rate, my entire life will be spent in school. And in debt, because schooling isn't free, sadly.


The Victoria's Secret So Sexy Conditioner may be the answer to all my prayers - from the reviews that I've read of it, it's scent is both powerful and long-lasting. I can't remember the last time I used a shampoo that at least left a lingering scent in my hair. The only thing is that the conditioner comes in a 10 oz bottle, and if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm all about small portions. Also, I've been pushing myself to return to your typical drugstore brands, in the way of cosmetics and skin-care products, and I doubt Victoria's Secret counts as a drugstore brand ...

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