grabe. just when i don't need to i dream of you.. thrice na. shiet you shiet you.

last night was infinitely amazing though. moha and i were walking and we chance upon chiz's hq of all places. and the housekeeper let us in coz she knew me. anyway, we went up to the hidden room and you were there. and when you saw me you just hugged me. well... not that i'm wishing that that would happen. but it would have been nice. but then again, i'm actually in a better place already.

it's already two in the morning.

 deejai's prolly here already.

 and here i am thinking about love. i can't really put my finger on it, but there is something inherently wrong when you can't stand the person who, in your opinion, taught you how to love.

it's even worse when i'm having doubts about my current relationship. God. the drama of it all. i'm such a simple person to love really. i don't demand much. hmm.. i think. but really, not leaving me in the middle of nowhere wouldn't be a tall order now, would it?

 i really love him. it's just that i'm not sure if love's enough for a relationship to survive. it needs compromise. i know he has his issues, i understand them very clearly seeing as i'm going through some of it as well. the things is, i can't always adjust to him and his needs.

 bottom line is: paano naman ako?

far from spending my happy hearts day in the microfiche lab part of the main library over at this country's university... this happy hearts day was unbeatable. 

my boyfriend and i had no plans at all for valentine's. following a fight we had on the eleventh, i told him to take care of it, plan how we'll celebrate it or not, etc... little did i know that the little devil cooked up something to knock my socks off (not that i was wearing any mind you, panty na lang noh?) enihoo.. i was in my psych class biding the time away while waiting for the cokie, who was actually uber late that he didn't go to class anymore. the group wrapped up their report and it was maam's turn to speak.  she then she went out to look for kuya roman (the all around technician). she went back inside and as she was entering the door, she said "sorry class hah may surprise visitors tayo".  i saw an organ and the immediate thought that entered my mind was that maam kay was so sweet for commissioning a choir to sing for the class... kasi nga naman valentine's diba? aba'y pagpasok ng mga tao... in english, when the people started trickling inside the room, i suddenly recognized some of the guys... and it dawned that they were my little devil's friends. i was so shocked and looked at my prof with a questioning look and a shell-shocked face, mouthing the words "ma'am". the little devi'ls minions then carried the organ and the choir of three's music books. they then set it up on our prof's desk and they arranged themselves.  the guys were bearing flowers and i started freaking out coz i knew that the whole shinding was for me.  but of course i didn't want to be assuming and since there was no cokie to turn to, i turned to dan and started hiding myself... which i sucked at cos i always sit in front... wah!  the choir's first song was when i fall in love... and my heart was ultimately turning into mush... jourge turned to me and asked if it was for me and i mouthed.. oo ata.. they then sang fly me to the moon and then the guys started handing out some white roses. they didn't give me one so i thought na.. "ah, assuming lang pala talaga akong tao".  this song was an upbeat one na so okay na ako... then they sang "ikaw" and without a doubt.. i knew who masterminded the whole thing.  after the song he came in and gave me my flowers... *wheee, tarsier faints and dies* my class gave a collective "awww" and i was so dying of embarassment and happiness at the same time. 

the entourage then vacated the room leaving the whole class in shock.. hahaha! we couldn't get to the lecture-y mode once again, especially since the lecture was on swearing (kamusta naman diba?) my prof even commented "leche, bakit ako walang ganyan" haay.. haha! i love my bf sobra... sweet acts are indeed sweeter when you don't expect anything.  kaya pala last week pa he kept on making kulit where my room was and i said na depende kung may report or wala.. kasi minsan sa ibang room yung class... and during the start of class i looked at my cellphone and saw that he was asking what room i was at and if there was a report ongoing.  so i replied, all the while thinking na he'll just surprise me when i get dismissed so we could go and be cheesy somewhere else. but no, he had to surprise me and till now.. a day after... the feelings are still there and i'm still uber kilig.  my room smells of roses and i love it.  but i love him even more

Currently feeling: in love

haha, di na nagpost ng xmas at new year blog..

 happy new year!!!

 i just had to post kasi i had this uber weird dream kagabi/kanina...

i was in this apartment tapos was there with erica, micai and moha... kakalipat lang namin don sa rooms namin... tapos sa CSA (my gs and hs) pa yung setting ng school namin... tapos may event silang pinuntahan na di ako kasama... and then iniwan nila yung money they owed me for paying the rent tapos coins lang.. hahaha, si moha nakapapel lang (yung usual mode of suweldo money namin pero instead na yellow pad white pad yung paper nakastapler pa) nahuli si micai magbigay tapos nilagay pa niya sa vase... which i found so weird... tapos may isang scene na pauwi ako from school na kasama ko si millard.. pero nung papanhik na ako sa apartment kasama ko si derby (best friend ko nung grade school) tapos sila nung sis niya na si angeli nakatira don before us pa sa isang room sa labas tapos yung things nila tinatago nila sa isang white na armoire na maliit lang pero mukhang headboard... tapos sabi ko sa kanya jan niyo pala nilalagay damit niyo dati pa ako nagtataka kung saan niyo tinagato at napagkakasya. hahaha ang weird noh... tapos while he was fixing stuff pumasok ako sa room ko tapos may hawak akong ice cream cone na fuschia/orange yung color nung ice cream, tapos nakahiga ako while watching tv pero hawak ko yung cone sa may side ng bed kasi ayaw ko na.. hahaha.. tapos sa other room directly across mine... pati doors magkatapat, room ni mark, college friend naman, tapos he entered the room and lied down sa floor with a white pillow at nagkwento... haha, ang vivid nakakatuwa... owhell...

i don't know why i've been so depressed lately.

i've been trying to rationalize why i'm feeling this way.

i want to write and read (a lot of things) so much but there's no time and there are readings to finish pa.

i'm so down... really.

first of... my celfone's batt is bloated. meaning, it's so likely to burst. gah! it's so freaky thinking it might have blown up. boohoo. i'm bringing it to nokia care in glorietta... but it might blow up too... boohoo more! i signed up kasi for myglobe.com para i can get my balance inquiries online, but i needed my sim number.. then when i was taking the batt out i noticed that there was something wrong so i got an extra batt... and then i compared them... taddahhh.. there's something wrong with mine. hmph.. i now stole my mom's. hehe. that fone is uber malas. it

i was so affected with glorietta two blowing up for so many reasons. glorietta has been like my third home since i was in grade school. it being a 5-15 minute walk from csa-makati where i studied.  it's also the home of fx and taxi terminals and an mrt station to boot that since i commute from up-diliman, i use glorietta as the ultimate stopover mall. but noooo... someone somewhere had this evil plan to ruin it. hmph, it's actually the only mall i really love and frequently go to. it's even sadder cause it's the starbucks in glorietta two that my family and i usually hang out at.  i really hope they do find what really went wrong.

 on another note... i just checked my grades online and i got a 1.00 for my thesis class!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my... a 1.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*speechless*

okay... i can write again....

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

 okay.. :D haha.. am so weird. niloloko nga ako ni mommy at yaya kanina na i'm nababaliw na raw. not really.

i'm having trouble with adding a code to my multiply layout.. hmph. i really want to become adept at programming... gaahh. i just want to disable people from being able to copy paste my pictures with ease. gusto ko naman kasi magpaalam man lang sila. especially people i don't like. grabe naman kasi magnakaw. i know disabling the right click wouldn't do much.. but it would pose a hindrance to them. diba?

"cause i matter too..." i've been having problems with the bf recently. haha.. so that's my ym status. a friend of mine asked if he could arbor it... so i told him araw ata ng mga sawi ngayon. my girlfriend melee and my anak micai also have their share of boy problems. are the stars not dealigned or something? hhmm...

i still have much to update on but well.. i need to fix my room. hehehe.. it's become so dirty with the busy sem. but whattheheck.. me still got a 1.00 in my thesis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! me labs it. :D

HISTORY:
01. Raised in:
* moonwalk baybeh

02. Were You A Planned baby:
* yep, my dad wanted only one child and a girl at that - tadah, me!

03. Birth date:
* 04.04.1986

04. Any siblings:
* nyet

05. Younger or older:
* wala nga eh

06. Hair color:
* dark, uber dark brown

07. Hair length:
* semi-long

08. pre school:
* csa makati

09. Eye color:
* dark black

10. Shoe size:
* 8

11. Mood:
* normal.. haha, nothing special. although i am content and currently pleased with life.

12. Smell:
* i don't smell.. nyahaha! korni, kidding aside i'm mabango

13. Height:
*5'1 or 5'2

14. Lefty/righty:
* right

LOVE LIFE:
01. Do you remember your first real
relationship:
* aren't you supposed to remember if it's real?

02. Do you believe in love:
* yep

03. Why did your last relationship
fail:
* let's no go there. hahaha

04. Shortest relationship:
* non-relationships eh... kamusta naman ang mga fling.

05. Have you ever been heartbroken:
* yep

06. Are you liking someone now:
* soooo much

07.Are u serious with her/him?:
* yep

08. Have you ever told him/her:
* yep

09. Are you afraid of commitment:
* used to, but now hindi na

10. Have you ever had a secret
admirer:
* haha, if i knew then it wouldn't be much of a secret anymore would it?

11. Do you believe in love at first
sight:
* hmm... not really, i start of so irritated with the guys i end up liking

12. Ever been in love:
* i am now...

13. Longest relationship:
* still counting

THIS OR THAT:
01. Love or money:
* both

02. Hard liquor or beer:
* hard liquor hands down

03. One night stands or relationships:
* haha... i'd get in trouble if i didn't answer the latter. but seriously... i'm loving being in love

04. Television or internet:
* net :D

05. Pepsi or Coke?:
* neither...

06. Fun night out or romantic night
in:
* can't a romantic night be fun?

07. Girls or guys:
* or

08. Phone or in person:
* in personam

09. Aim or myspace:
* ym

HAVE YOU EVER:
01. Have you ever been caught sneakinG
oUt?
* nope

02. Have you ever skinny dipped?
* hahaha! valdz o, skinny dipped daw?

03. Have you ever done something you
regret?
* a lot of times.

04. Have you ever been on a house
boat?
* nopeee

05. Have you ever finished an entire
jaw breaker?
* yep

06. Have you ever dyed your hair?
* virgin locks

07. Have you ever been streaking?
* nope...

08. Have you ever ran away?
* thought about it

ARE YOU:
01. Are you missing someone right now?
* so much

02. Are you talking to anyone?
* to my computer, through my fingers. does that count?

03. Are you German?:
* i'd want to live there but nope

04. Are you Italian?:
* nope

05. Are you French?:
* dreaming of being one also! haha

06. Are you Russian?:
* nope, but love the history

07. Are you Polish?:
* nopee

08. Are you Indian?:
* nopeee, but my daughter moha is :D

09. Are your parents still married?
* yep

RANDOM:
01. Best female friend:
* jourgie, trina, mohaalooo (does when count?)

02. What do you do when your together?
* depende sa friend.. haha

03. Share the same interests?
* there is friendship in diversity

04. Do you have a low self esteem?
* duh

05. Do you get depressed about things
easily?
* yep.. oh damned bouts of depression

06. Do you live life to the fullest?
* not really, though i'd want to

07. Are you comfortable with the way
you look?
* sometimes

08. Are you scared of growing up old
and alone?
* yep, i'd rather kill myself

09. What do you want to be when you
grow up?
* be where i wanna be

10. Favorite season?
* rainy

11. Are you a vegetarian?
*naah.. though i love veggies

12. Current song your listening to?
* hs musical 2 soundtrack *what time is it?*